Opinion Forum

Terminally Stupid Parents

January 16th, 2009

I’ve heard lots of weird names that stupid parents give their children. Johnny Cash sang about it in “A Boy Named Sue.” Seems his father wanted to make him tough, so he gave him a name that would attract ridicule and fistfights. I guess that would work, if it doesn’t get the kid killed.

I just read about a case of terminal stupidity in child-naming. How would you like to be named Adolf Hitler Campbell, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell, or Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell? These are the names Heath and Deborah Campbell gave their children. These people are idiots with room-temperature IQs.

Adolf Hitler (at left, with parents) is 3, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation is 2, and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie is 9 months old.

The New Jersey Division of Youth and Family Services has removed the kids from their parents. Officials said they don’t do this just because of names; it’s only done to protect the safety and well-being of children. So, stupid as these parents are, there must be something else going on.

This reinforces my long-held belief that there ought to be a test and a license required before people are allowed to have kids. After all, it seems like raising children is a bit more important that driving a car and all the other things that require a license. You can be a blathering fool member of the Aryan Nation or the Weather Underground and spout your nonsense all day. I don’t care. Freedom of speech, and all that. But you shouldn’t be allowed to “brand” children.

Of course, lots of celebrities, often not the brightest people, give their kids weird and stupid names. Here are a few examples:

Kid: God’iss Love Stone.   Parent: Lil’ Mo

Kid: Jermajesty. Parent: Jermaine Jackson

Kid: Messiah Ya’majesty. Parent: T.I. (Atlanta Rapper)

Kid: Moxie Crimefighter.   Parent: Penn Gillette

Kid: Spec Wildhorse.   Parent: John Cougar Mellencamp

Kids: Trick and Track.   Parent: Sarah Palin

And sometimes the terminally stupid change their own names in ridiculous ways. A good example is Lloyd Bernard Free, former NBA player and current NBA gadabout. In 1980 he legally changed his name to World B. Free.

Articles written by Tom Carter
Tags: celebrities, names, sports
Categories: Humor, Life, News | Comments (8) | Home

8 Responses to “Terminally Stupid Parents”

doris | January 19th, 2009 at 8:54 am

I always hated my name, it’s an old lady’s name, but now that I am one, I still hate it, should I change it? Both of my husbands never call me by my name, what does that say to you? But, now I guess it could’ve been worse! Still hate it, though…

Tom | January 19th, 2009 at 12:41 pm

I wonder if what they called you can be printed…? 🙂

doris | January 19th, 2009 at 2:21 pm

So true, so true, and well deserved, I fear.

Libert Belle | January 19th, 2009 at 2:37 pm

My name is Liberty Belle, and I have come to greatly appreciate unique names. My son’s name is Yaweh Buddha Belle, and my daughter’s name is Zena Buddha Belle. Now that they are in school, they have come to appreciate their names, also. This blog offends me because I think that my childrens’ names and mine are not ‘brands’, but a unique way for people to be ordinary. The parents you named are not stupid or weird, they are very clever, indeed. Especially Johnny Cash. See how much stronger and more successful these people have become, if they can live with their name, they can live with anything.

Brian Bagent | January 23rd, 2009 at 2:14 am

IIRC, it was John Adams that said “this government is for a moral and religious people, and is wholly inadequate to the governance of any other,” or words to that effect. Have we arrived at the state where too many people ignore the little voice inside their head that says “this is wrong, and that is right”? Clearly, these people are idiots. Howsomever, what is worse: a couple of idiots naming their children after some of the most reprehensible people in recorded history, or a government dictating what we may name our children, or if we even may have them. A government with that much power scares me far more than a couple of pot- or meth-addled imbeciles.

Liberty, while you’re sitting there being offended, bear in mind that lots of folks are likely to be put out by you naming your child “God,” most especially Orthodox Jews and some Eastern Orthodox Christians.

Amber | April 2nd, 2009 at 7:32 pm

I see why you were offended, but I agree with Brian. I know I wouldn’t want my kids to be hurt or teased by other kids. If something bad happened because of his name and I was his mom I would feel that was my fault.

Tom | April 2nd, 2009 at 11:38 pm

You’re right, Amber. Parents who give their kids stupid names, especially something as bad as “Adolf Hitler,” are personally responsible every time the poor kid is insulted or embarrassed over his name. I agree with Brian, too, that we don’t want government telling us what we can name our children. But sometimes I wonder if it isn’t necessary for society to protect us all from the idiots among us, particularly people who would name a kid something like “Messiah Ya’majesty.”