Texas Philosophy

January 7th, 2009

Just to lighten the mood a little, here’s some Texas philosophy, followed by a few translations of Texas expressions for you furriners:

Never squat with yer spurs on.

They’s two theories to arguin’ with a woman; neither one works.

Don’t worry about bitin’ off more’n you can chew, your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger’n you think.

If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.

Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.

Never smack a man who’s chewin’ tobacco.

It don’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

If you’re ridin’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.

Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back in.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Texas Translations

The engine’s runnin’ but ain’t nobody drivin’.
Translation: Not overly-intelligent.

Tighter’n bark on a tree.
Translation: Not very generous.

Big hat, no cattle.
Translation: All talk and no action.

We howdied but we ain’t shook yet.
Translation: We’ve made a brief acquaintance but not been formally introduced.

He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow.
Translation: He has a pretty high opinion of himself.

He’s got tongue enough for 10 rows of teeth.
Translation: Talks a lot.

It’s so dry the trees are bribin’ the dogs.
Translation: We really could use a little rain around here.

Just ’cause a chicken’s got wings don’t mean it can fly.
Translation: Appearances can be deceptive.

This ain’t my first rodeo.
Translation: I’ve been around awhile.

He looks like the dog’s been keepin’ him under the porch.
Translation: Not the most handsome of men.

They ate supper ‘fore they said grace.
Translation: Living in sin.

As full of wind as a corn-eating horse.
Translation: Rather prone to boasting.

You can put your boots in the oven, but that don’t make ’em biscuits.
Translation: You can say whatever you want about something, but that doesn’t change what it is.

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Categories: Humor | Comments (2) | Home

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2 Responses to “Texas Philosophy”

  1. Lisa |

    Hey, Tom, that is funny! After being born in Texas and living there for 12 years, followed by the requisite tour in the Army at Fort Hood, I am now finding out that I was not in the “in crowd” because I am not too familiar with these gems!

  2. doris |

    I really think the only person from Texas who says these things is Dr. Phill.Were you talking to me on that last one? Of course,you may be a redneck,Jeff Foxworthy,also says them.Maybe you are a redneck, if you don’t realize you talk like this?

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