Opinion Forum

Perhaps Angelinos Should Boycott Themselves

May 25th, 2010

I think I’m going to build a trebuchet outside Brownsville and start a campaign to launch all of these hypocrites over the Rio Grande. It’ll be a big trebuchet, maybe with a 40 foot arm and about a one-ton counterweight. I might even be able to toss them all the way to Mexico City. Mexican president Jose Calderon gets the first ride. Then we can go with the Los Angeles city council. They’ll have to do it by lottery. I won’t even charge any money.

Ahhhh, the irony. And the ignorance. And the cynicism. And the hypocrisy. And the stupidity. But I digress.

Calderon. He’s one to talk. Guatemalans have been executed for illegally crossing Mexico’s southern border. Maybe that trebuchet should be powerful enough to launch him all the way to Guatemala. Maybe if he could figure out a way to fix that cess-pool of a country he’s in charge of we wouldn’t have so many problems with his citizens paying coyotes huge sums of money and risking death to escape there to come here.

The LA City Council. If I’m lucky, my aim will put them in one of the many slums of Mexico City. If they’re lucky, they’ll be able to sneak to the American embassy before they get arrested and stuck in some rotten, stink-hole of a Mexican jail for being there illegally.

Eric Holder, the United States Attorney General. Aren’t attorneys supposed to know the answers to questions before the questions even get asked? How about “I’ll take U.S. Code Title 8 for $1000, Alex.” Or maybe “I’ll take California Penal Code Sec 834b for $800, Alex.” And this guy has a law degree? I’ll include copies of Title 8 USC, The new Arizona law, and the old California law (at no additional charge, of course, even though those law books are insanely expensive) for his flight down. Maybe he’ll take a care to read all of it since that’s what lawyers do. I doubt it. But I better not forget to send a 1099-misc to the book store. It wouldn’t do to have Holder sneaking back across the border and sicking his goons on me for not complying with the tax code.

Nancy Pelosi. Wow. Where do I start. According to her, the whole purpose of enacting legislation is so that we will then read it and know what is in it. Or maybe she just doesn’t like to read any of it. I’ll include a copy of Go, Dog. Go! for her. It has big, pretty pictures in it. Now I think about it for a second, Oh, the Thinks You Can Think! might help her to realize that she should use her noodle as something besides a hat rack. I won’t charge her for the book, either, though in her case I should probably make an exception.

Dare I even mention the President? Oops. I guess I just did. I’ll build a tandem sling for him and his smug, self-righteous, sack-of-feces press secretary Robert Gibbs. They can lie to each other about how horrible Arizona is on their flight down. Who knows, they might even believe the bilious crap they spew to each other.

And while they might not have made national news, the Austin, Texas city council gets the ride also. I’m sickened by the fact that they live in a county named for the commander at the Alamo, William Barret Travis, and have the temerity to talk about how ugly the Arizona law is. Maybe they should rename Travis county “Reconquista County.” But not before I launch them to Mexico.

It would seem that the California Penal code, Sec 834b, has verbiage that is nearly identical to Arizona’s much-vilified new immigration law. It’s a pity that none of the detractors have bothered to read the Arizona law, and even worse that they haven’t bothered to read California’s. Or Title 8 USC, for that matter.

All of this folderol has to be some of the worst grandstanding and posturing in my memory. I am so disgusted that I’m just drawing a blank now. I’ve used all of the vitriol (there were about 10 gallons of it the last time I checked) in that gas can I keep out back.

On second thought, I could make some money off of this. I could start a franchise business and sell trebuchets to other people to launch all of the other despicable hypocrites over the border. If I do it by myself, it might take me a while.

Articles written by Brian Bagent
Tags: 1099-misc, Arizona, border, California, illegal, immigration, Mexico, trebuchet
Categories: Humor, Law, Politics | Comments (10) | Home

10 Responses to “Perhaps Angelinos Should Boycott Themselves”

Brian Bagent | May 25th, 2010 at 11:59 am

One thing I wanted to point out about The Alamo for all of the non-Texans that might read this. Except for maybe one or two men, all of the natural-born Texans that died defending freedom at the Alamo had last names that ended in vowels (like Garcia), or ended in “z” (like Gonzalez, Ramirez, etc). Almost all of the white faces that died there were born elsewhere: Travis was from S. Carolina, Crockett was from Tennessee, Bowie was from Kentucky. Lovers of freedom will come together in brotherhood, no matter their skin color or surname. This isn’t about race, at least not for me.

Tom Carter | May 25th, 2010 at 12:08 pm

Brian, let me know if you need some help building the trebuchet. I can bring my own hammer and nails, if you provide the lumber.

I completely agree with your comment. Many people don’t know who died at the Alamo. People of Mexican descent, including recent legal immigrants, have been valued citizens of Texas for as long as there’s been a Texas. Texans, like the people of Arizona, aren’t against illegal immigration because of racial or ethnic prejudice. Some folks try to paint it that way, but they’re wrong.

Brian Bagent | May 25th, 2010 at 12:33 pm

Lord knows I will have the lumber for it shortly. About to close on a place in Coldspring, and it’s covered in sweetgum trees. I can’t think of a better use for them after I cut them all down.

Brianna | May 25th, 2010 at 2:10 pm

Thanks for the article Brian. You gave me a good laugh on what’s been a highly unpleasant day.

d | May 26th, 2010 at 7:14 am

I agree with you 100%,Brian. A funny take on a real problem,stupidity. I just don’t know what all the fuss is about,just a law allowing them to follow the law. You go! Arizona. Hope Texas is next.

larry ennis | May 26th, 2010 at 7:52 am

By gosh Brian you getting riled up aint you?
I wish I had your ability to get forceful/p**
**d off and still maintain some amount of decorum.
You’re most likely aware that the president is sending 1200 National Guard troops to help control the flow of illegals across the Mexican/U.S. border. According to law enforcement agencies in the area the amount of troops being sent is only about 20 percent of what is needed.
What the heck Brian, lets just blame it on Bush and maybe the voters wont know the difference.

d | May 26th, 2010 at 9:04 am

Oh,Larry,do you really think this border problem just got started since Obama? Really? I do agree he certainly has not helped it at all, but he is not responsible for every problem we’ve ever had. He,also,like Bush, wants and needs the Hispanic vote,so we are caught in the aftermath of sorry bedfellows. The 1200 national guard are just for show,and don’t they look pretty on their horses,are you scared? Me,neither. Watych out Mexico,here comes the wrath of Obama,stop the damn leak!

larry ennis | May 26th, 2010 at 12:27 pm

d
Didnt I just say blame it on Bush?

Tom Carter | May 26th, 2010 at 2:35 pm

Blame it on Obama, blame it on Bush, blame it on Clinton — what nonsense. We’ve had problems with population flows across the southern U.S. border practically forever. Many efforts have been made to deal with the problem. Look at the old bracero guest worker program that lasted from 1942 to 1964. Consider the Immigration Reform and Control Act of 1986 (the Simpson-Mazzoli Act), which was a semi-comprehensive attempt to fix big parts of the problem. In every case, fixes fail or are only partially implemented and enforced because lots of people don’t want the problem fixed. Who are they? Businessmen who want good, cheap workers; suburbanites who want someone to tend their lawns for not much money; parents who want cheap and reliable nannies; Mexicans leaving the broke-down economy of their country for a chance to do better; and politicians who are more concerned about votes than anything else.

I realize that for many people the partisan blame-game is more important than the reality of problems and practical solutions. Others are fixated on arcane political philosophies that are useless in dealing with real-world problems. Here’s the real truth: We’ll control the flow of illegal immigrants across our southern border when enough people really want it to be controlled and when they demand that politicians take the necessary action.

So you say, OK, we want it fixed, and we demand that you (Congress) fix it. Problem is, people mean different things. For example, we will not (and couldn’t if we wanted to) deport all the people who are in the U.S. illegally. Provisions will have to be made to regularize the status of people who are already here and provide some kind of path to eventual citizenship for them. But no — conservatives will go berserk, and people will be in the streets carrying signs decrying amnesty. We also have to require that reasonable measures be taken to promote assimilation for immigrants, to include dealing with the issue of language. But no — liberals will be in the streets wearing their Che t-shirts and carrying signs decrying imperialism and racism. In the ensuing chaos, good parts of any reform effort — like better border control — will go down the tubes with everything else.

We aren’t going to be able to deal with this problem, like almost all others, until reasonable moderates (and there are a hell of a lot of them) finally get fed up and override the wails from the far left and the far right. Each of us could help that happen; the question is, will we?

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