Opinion Forum

Al Gore and the Masseuse

June 30th, 2010

Most folks know by now that Al Gore got a massage in a trendy hotel in Portland, Oregon back in 2006. Nobody cares, except that the masseuse has reported that globally-warmed Al got pretty randy with her. Back when she first complained, she declined to be interviewed by police, and they dropped it. Now she’s back, and she’s given the police a lengthy, explicit statement. You can read the smarmy details for yourself.

When it first came up, the mainstream media declined to run the story for obvious reasons — I mean, come on, this is Al Gore. More recently the masseuse, unnamed as far as I know, offered to sell the story to the National Enquirer for $1 million. They declined to pay her — not out of principle, of course, but because they managed to get her report from the police. The necessary bribe(s) probably cost them a lot less.

Why is this important? Well, it isn’t, really. It’s not like Al the “crazed sex poodle” was a government official and she was an intern or something equally unlikely. What caught my attention was in a report in the Washington Examiner:

Finally she got away [from Gore]. Later, she talked to friends, liberals like herself, who advised against telling police. One asked her “to just suck it up; otherwise, the world’s going to be destroyed from global warming.”

Ah, so that’s it! Well, I guess since his global warming shtick has made him very wealthy and got him a Nobel Prize and an Oscar, it might as well protect him from a sexual assault charge.

As for the masseuse, she’s obviously after money, and that’s fine with me. Al is flush with ill-gotten gains, and since it’s a classic he-said, she-said situation, she might as well get some cash out of it. And who knows; Al may be eager to settle, since she reportedly kept the clothes she was wearing that night, and they’re still stained with, ah, certain fluids that might provide DNA support for her version of what happened. (Somehow, that sounds familiar….)

Articles written by Tom Carter
Tags: Al Gore, DNA, global warming, massage, masseuse, poodle, stains
Categories: Humor, News, Politics | Comments (17) | Home

17 Responses to “Al Gore and the Masseuse”

d | June 30th, 2010 at 7:24 am

Why on earth would his theory on global warming get brought into this? Obviously this did not happen, or she was paid off. No one would wait this long to tell the truth, especially for global warming. Where cash or fame are involved, greed will always win. I hardly doubt her morality or public interest overwhelmed her need to tell this stupid story, come on, she is a masseuse. I say it is bunk. But really who gives a rats rear, he is getting a divorce and is not running for office or the presidency.

Lisa | June 30th, 2010 at 10:01 am

Now that Tipper has decided to dump Al, the masseuse decided there was no one (Tipper) to protect anymore and perhaps more reason to tell her story. As far as I know, Tipper has enjoyed a good reputation from both sides of the political aisle, making people wonder what she ever saw in Al. Now we have to wonder how long Tipper has been aware of his extramarital activities.

Brianna | June 30th, 2010 at 1:39 pm

Al Gore is such a laugh. Those who complain that the global warming skeptics are simply being paid off by “big oil” almost never actually consider the amount of money that Gore’s gotten off his book, movie, and activism about the impending catastrophe of global warming.

Tom Carter | June 30th, 2010 at 2:46 pm

Doris, on what do you base the statement “this did not happen?” What makes you think it’s a “stupid story?” So far, it’s a he-said, she-said. Taking so long to deal with it counts against her, but her having preserved biological evidence certainly would work against Gore. I don’t think we should automatically be taking the side of the man; couldn’t the woman also be telling the truth?

When you say “come one, she is a masseuse” you’re implying that she’s really something else. The woman is a 54-year-old licensed massage therapist. Massage therapists are professional health care workers who have a lot of technical study behind them and who have passed difficult licensing exams. Comparing massage therapists to the young ladies who work at the local strip-mall massage parlor is like comparing surgeons to butchers.

Is she after money? Sure, and I hope she gets it. What Gore did to her (if we accept her account) won’t amount to much in the criminal justice system, assuming someone with his power is ever brought to trial. If she can put a dent in Gore’s ridiculously undeserved public image and at the same time walk away with a huge amount of cash, I say more power to her.

d | June 30th, 2010 at 3:10 pm

Tom, why do you automatically believe her? I just don’t believe it, and if it is true why would she protect Tipper or anyone else? Sounds stupid and like a scheme for cash to me. Evidence does not lie, after the DNA test, I will believe they had sex, but forced? I guess, for one, am a hot mama who thinks he is very attractive and can’t imagine him forcing himself on anyone, much less a 50 year old masseuse. Maybe he thought, like I, that she was a lady of the night, a simple misunderstanding. Never really know. Why on earth would you believe her over him? Just because you dislike him, I fear.

Tom Carter | June 30th, 2010 at 3:29 pm

You really, really need to read what I wrote and some of the news reports on the incident.

1. I don’t automatically believe her, but neither do I automatically assume she’s lying because he’s a big deal and she’s just regular folks, and a woman to boot. I thought we were beyond that by now.

2. She doesn’t claim they had sex. Again, you really need to read the facts.

3. Why would he think she was a “lady of the night?” He’s an intelligent, worldly man who knows the difference between that and a professional massage therapist. No simple misunderstanding here.

4. Why would I believe her over him? Well, I don’t, but I don’t reject her story, either, particularly if she really has biological evidence.

5. Do I dislike him? Yep, for a whole lot of reasons. But that has nothing to do with this. I’d like it even better if some sanctimonious, self-righteous right wing preacher were the man involved. But then, that would be too easy.

Dan Miller | June 30th, 2010 at 5:22 pm

Tom, you say,

5. Do I dislike him? Yep, for a whole lot of reasons. But that has nothing to do with this. I’d like it even better if some sanctimonious, self-righteous right wing preacher were the man involved. But then, that would be too easy.

I seem to have distant memories, perhaps clouded by approaching senility, that that’s happened to various “sanctimonious, self-righteous” preachers from the right.

VP Gore has been the high priest of his own religion, the Church of Global ~~Smarming~~ Warming, now adopted by many disciples worldwide. There are heretics, skeptics and true believers.

Just out of curiosity, is there any way to burn such heretics at the stake in a carbon neutral way, or will it be necessary to purchase carbon credits?

Tom Carter | June 30th, 2010 at 5:32 pm

I think it would be necessary to buy the credits, but I understand they’re easy to get from Gore’s company. You pay a bunch of money for them, Gore’s folks plant some little bushes or something, and Al pockets the difference. Pretty good scam, all in all.

Lisa | July 1st, 2010 at 8:51 am

Before we end discussion on this, I was just looking at the first class photo you chose for this article. If I am not mistaken, does he not look like a “crazed sex poodle” even at the podium??

d | July 1st, 2010 at 9:08 am

roflmao..Love that one,Lisa. Tom always gets too cute pictures of Gore and Hillary,but the guys he likes,get nice non-humiliating pictures. I do think that pisture makes him look possessed by the fear of global warming.:)

Tom Carter | July 1st, 2010 at 9:08 am

The photo does seem to work pretty well. I also liked the way the lady described him in her statement as being “rotund.” I’ve always thought of Gore as the Rodney Dangerfield of American politics, but then Rodney didn’t get an Oscar, so maybe not….

d | July 1st, 2010 at 10:06 am

But,Tom, without getting into details,[I am sure you haven’t]have you noticed the size of his hands and feet? Plus,some women like a little meat on their mens’bones.I don’t find him humorous,though like Rodney,maybe Gore’s real drawback.

d | July 1st, 2010 at 10:15 am

I did read her statement and there is so much wrong with her story, but I guess I’d tell that whopper if I could make a million. I believe if she does indeed have bodily fluids, they were extracted by her and not forcibly. I do not automatically reject any woman’s story of forcible molestation, but if the guy is rich, famous, and it has been over 4 years, I am very skeptical, as all intelligent people should be.

Tom Carter | July 1st, 2010 at 11:40 am

There’s nothing wrong with being skeptical about the woman’s story. I am, too, to a degree, but to be honest it has the ring of truth about it. If she were lying, I think the story would be different in some important ways. But exactly how do you conclude that she extracted the evidence and that she’s lying? Do you have evidence that no one else has seen? No, you don’t. You’ve just formed an opinion based on…whatever you’re basing it on, and that’s it. If I were the prosecutor you would certainly be excluded from my jury because you’ve formed a conclusion without the benefit of having heard all the evidence.

d | July 1st, 2010 at 1:02 pm

True to all you said. I formed the conclusion because I cannot imagine a rich, powerful, attractive (to me) man of his stature forcing himself on a 50+ masseuse and leaving stuff on her slacks, that she had no part in the extraction thereof. I will not believe that she was the best woman Gore came across to force himself upon. A willing partner, o.k. A gold digging tramp, o.k. Just my biased opinion, I guess, don’t want to be on the jury, but if I was, she would have to prove a lot of the bunk she is spewing.

Tom Carter | July 1st, 2010 at 1:43 pm

The Portland, Oregon police have re-opened the investigation into Gore’s alleged assault on the massage therapist. This report is worth reading.

Reading between the lines, it seems clear that who he is has played a big role in this whole sordid affair — why she was reluctant to speak up, why it wasn’t investigated, why the media ignored it….

Again, it fell to the National Enquirer, tabloid rag that it is, to break the story widely. If the mainstream media is still perplexed about their decline, they might look at this as yet another example of what has happened to them.