Straight Pride

November 15th, 2010

By Nancy Morgan

As more and more Americans identify themselves through their sexual orientation, I’d like to weigh in on the side of heterosexuality. There, I said it. I’m straight. Sexually speaking, this means that I don’t sleep with members of my own sex.

Of course, who I sleep with is no-one’s business. Unless I’m a health hazard or something. And of course, what I do in my own bedroom used to be confined to my bedroom. Key word being “used to.”

Call me an old fuddy duddy, but I just can’t wrap my mind around gleefully advertising my most personal sexual practices. Call it modesty, or plain old good manners, but I believe that my privates were meant to be private.

In an era that increasingly promotes gender as being an optional life-style choice, I want to be one of the first to say I like plain old fashioned sex with members of the opposite sex. And being, gasp, Christian, I believe love and respect are pre-requisites to jumping in the sack. Color me outdated.

One’s sexuality is pretty much fair game these days. It’s one of the few ways left to garner one’s 15 minutes of fame. After all, how many ways are left to push the envelope — to show how “with it” one is? I fully expect we’ll soon have a new reality show designed around contestants’ sexual practices. The sex lives of pathetic attention seekers will be scrutinized and commented on for all the world to see. Peeping Toms, instead of being arrested, will be crucial in determining which sex act is the most outrageous. Sexual Survivor?

The left has legitimized the art of self-absorption. Naval gazing and “personal truths” have replaced modesty and restraint. Hooking up with strangers has replaced dating. And if you prefer to keep the details of your sex life private, you might just be branded a homophobe.

Sadism, gay sex and bondage are just a few of the sexual practices that are now considered legitimate. In fact, anything to do with sex is now applauded as being the product of introspection and heightened personal awareness. Today it’s almost mandatory to affect a cavalier attitude about what many consider a sacred act.

Before it becomes a hate-crime, I’d like to weigh in with my own opinion:

Many (not all) gay people make me uneasy. Not because they’re gay, but because they make their sexuality the focus of their whole lives and demand that I not only accept their homosexuality, but condone it. Anything less is labeled homophobia.

I don’t hate gays, I just resent having their bedroom habits pushed into my face on a daily basis. I consider that rude. It’s also none of my business. I believe a person is more than a sexual identity.

I’m one of those old-fashioned prudes who believes in modesty and discretion in all things sexual. According to the left, this makes me a hater. They’re half right — I do hate being forced to conform to someone else’s idea of what sexuality is.

The whole gay pride movement leaves me confused. If, as many gays assert, being homosexual is a function of genetics, then why should one take pride in it? That would be like me taking pride in being born with two arms. Which, of course, comes with the implicit assumption that being born with one arm is somehow “lesser than.” Couldn’t I be sued under ADA? Sigh.

I’m a straight, heterosexual woman. Not that that is anyone’s business. I could write volumes about the joys of traditional sex, but I choose not to. I prefer to keep my sexual proclivities a private matter. I just wish everyone else would do the same.

(This article was also posted at Right Bias.)


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24 Responses to “Straight Pride”



  1. Clarissa |

    “The whole gay pride movement leaves me confused. If, as many gays assert, being homosexual is a function of genetics, then why should one take pride in it? That would be like me taking pride in being born with two arms.”

    -Gay pride is about not being ashamed of the way you were born. It’s about overcoming centuries of victimization, persecution and being terrified of acknowledging – even to ourself – who you are. There are different meanings to the word “pride”. It’s baffling that you either don’t know it or pretend you don’t know it.


  2. Tom Carter |

    Clarissa, I can’t see “pride” the way you’re using it. For example, have you ever seen, in person or on video, a “gay pride” parade? It’s an absurd display of weirdness and a clear-cut effort to rub that weirdness into everyone’s face.

    As I’ve written a number of times, I don’t have a problem with gay marriage. I don’t have a problem with gays in the military (note my background). I’ve worked closely with and socialized with gay people and gladly counted them among my friends. I oppose any effort to marginalize and penalize people because of their sexual orientation. But, like Nancy, I’m a bit tired of a minority of LBGT (is that the right number of letters?) people constantly blabbing about their personal lives and exposing their sexual practices for all to see. And, if it matters, I never liked locker-room bragging about sexual adventures, either. There are some things that are private and should stay that way in a civilized society. This is one of them.


  3. d |

    For someone,who professes so hard that sexuality is private,you sure do talk about yours a lot. You told us you were straight and liked straight sex with the oposite sex over and over in this article. Well,Nancy,I really do not care what your preference is.
    What about Black pride? Do you have a problem with that? Folks who have been oppressed for generations,usually, exert pride,because,finally they can even take pride in themselves and what they are and,hopefully,not be persecuted for it. In this day and age,I am surprised that Gay people make anyone uneasy,except, those who profess the loudest,that they are straight,homophobic,anyone?


  4. Dan Miller |

    I agree with Tom and have had similar experiences in civilian life.

    In addition, to the extent that many “gay pride” sexuality demonstrations marches and the like are overtly sexual and offensive — and to many people they are no less offensive than Madona’s publicity seeking crotch grabbing stunts — they seem quite counterproductive; they discourage, rather than encourage, public acceptance. None of the “gay” people I have known over the years have behaved in that fashion; nor have the “straight” people I have known — except perhaps when very young and quite inebriated. To the extent that “gays” are oppressed and disparaged, why give those who cite such stunts persuasive excuses for continuing to do so?

    In addition, as noted more or less in passing here, I consider to be inane the morphing of the adjective “gay,” once used to suggest current happiness, into a noun referring to homosexuals as a group. If currently as oppressed as they once apparently were, I wish some other word could be employed. How can oppressed people be “gay?” Were all Jews in the Warsaw ghetto “gay?”

    Perhaps the five syllables in “homosexuals” are too many and some shorter word without an inconsistent customary meaning should be found. On the other hand, the country is too divided into racial, ethnic, gender and other groups; maybe we would all be better off without such classifications regardless of the words used to promote them.


  5. Michael |

    Dan’s and Tom’s points are totally understandable. However we must remind ourselves that, as Tom said, that is a minority within the group, and they should be evaluated on the individual level, rather than through the social movement in its entirety. This is something even the best of us must keep in mind at times when we disagree with actions that may be seen as “typical” or “inappropriate” that extend from a certain social group. Science has shown that our brains like to put people into these kinds of groups as a generalization of behavior, since it was used for the purpose of self-protection when less evolved.


  6. Dan Miller |

    Michael,

    You say

    our brains like to put people into these kinds of groups as a generalization of behavior.

    I agree. Why encourage that sort of thing? What useful purpose does it serve, for anyone? Doesn’t it increase otherwise existing levels of hostility harmful to everyone?


  7. Tom Carter |

    Michael, I agree. In general, everyone should be treated as an individual and not a member of a group. Far as I’m concerned, I avoid offensive people, and I don’t spend much time worrying about whether they are members of one group or another. If someone is pleasant, friendly, and professional when appropriate, that’s good enough for me.


  8. Clarissa |

    “Clarissa, I can’t see “pride” the way you’re using it. For example, have you ever seen, in person or on video, a “gay pride” parade? It’s an absurd display of weirdness and a clear-cut effort to rub that weirdness into everyone’s face”

    – I not only saw them, I marched in them. 🙂 I understand the feeling of gay pride (even thoudh I’m a happily married heterosexual) because of what my father (another happily married heterosexual) has told me about his Jewish identity. My father was born a Jew in the hugely anti-semitic Soviet Union. From his early childhood, he felt that there was something deeply shameful attached to being Jewish. It took him a while to realize that there was nothing to be ashamed of. His ethnicity is something he was born with. I do believe that he has the right to reclaim his feeling of not being ashamed of his Jewishness in any way he wants. This is why I can’t condemn any way in which gay people, who might have had similar experiences of undeserved shame, might want to reaffirm their way of being.


  9. Clarissa |

    d: I agree with every word you say. Are you and I the “token progressives” on this website? 🙂


  10. Michael |

    The term “gay pride” is a misguided mess.

    According to Wikipedia, “gay pride” is “the concept that lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people should be proud of their sexual orientation and gender identity.”

    But this is confused on its face: moral evaluation can (properly) only apply to that which we have control over, to actions we choose. So nobody should take pride in or be ashamed of anything which is itself outside of their control as moral agents — like having blond hair, five fingers, or the mere fact of being straight. That’s why it would seem (or should seem) inappropriate or even silly for someone to trumpet “five-fingered pride” or “straight pride”. Those sorts of things aren’t in the moral sphere.

    I think LGBT folks would do better to focus on educating the world (and themselves) about the proper sphere of morality.

    The same can be said about Clarissa’s father.


  11. Clarissa |

    “I think LGBT folks would do better to focus on educating the world (and themselves) about the proper sphere of morality.

    The same can be said about Clarissa’s father.”

    -My father will decide what he should do on his own, thank you. In the future, please refrain from offering advice to people who have achieved a 1000 times more than you in their lives.

    Once again, “gay pride” means “not being ashamed of being gay.” What’s so hard to understand here?


  12. Clarissa |

    ” Those sorts of things aren’t in the moral sphere.”

    -Could you be so kind as to offer a definition of “the moral sphere” that you are using for this argument? Thank you.


  13. Michael |

    Once again, “gay pride” means “not being ashamed of being gay.” What’s so hard to understand here?

    lack of shame is not the same as pride.


  14. Michael |

    The point being, your sexual desires are not themselves a matter of accomplishment. They’re neutral. Like being tall or a red head or Jewish or Black etc…. Regardless of how it comes about, it is not a moral issue, so no shame possible, and it is not a matter of accomplishment therefore not a matter for pride.


  15. Michael |

    What about Black pride? Do you have a problem with that? Folks who have been oppressed for generations,usually, exert pride,because,finally they can even take pride in themselves and what they are and,hopefully,not be persecuted for it.

    You don’t understand what pride is. Plain and simple. Not being ashamed =/= pride. True they should not be ashamed of their sexuality or skin color. True they should seek pride. But the pride should not be about skin color or sexuality. Take pride in a painting you made, a business you established, an invention you thought up, a physics property you discovered, sticking to your principles, those kinds of things. They’re achievements, not simple matters of things you did anywhere from almost nothing to definitely nothing to get.

    In the future, please refrain from offering advice.

    On the contrary. This is an important point that needs to be pointed not just for your father but for everyone else. When Gay marriage was being debated the same issue surfaced and it was the wrong way to advocate anyone’s rights.

    to people who have achieved a 1000 times more than you in their lives

    This is what you should be talking about.


  16. Michael |

    I will end on this note

    Pride has to come from earning things. Nobody “earns” their race, colour or sexuality. No amount of historical injustices or hurt changes that concept.

    Over and Out.


  17. Clarissa |

    “But the pride should not be about skin color or sexuality”

    -You sure are a slow learner, buddy. Once again, very slowly, pride in this context means absence of shame. Can you try to process that?

    “The point being, your sexual desires are not themselves a matter of accomplishment. They’re neutral. Like being tall or a red head or Jewish or Black etc…. ”

    -Not being ashamed of them, though, in a heteronormative culture is.

    “This is an important point that needs to be pointed not just for your father but for everyone else. When Gay marriage was being debated the same issue surfaced and it was the wrong way to advocate anyone’s rights.”

    – Please inform me and everybody else of your credentials in advocating somebody’s rights. How much work have you done in that area? How much have you achieved? Which methods have you used in the process? I would love to hear of some genuine results in that area. Thanks.

    “This is what you should be talking about.”

    – I will be very grateful if you inform me of anything in your career that gives you the right to lecture me about what it is that I should do? Who are you? What have you achieved in life? I refuse to accept lecturing from people who have done nothing whatsoever and who try to give me lessons in how to behave. Dan Miller or Tom Carter, to give a couple of examples, are respectable individuals, whose lectures I am more than willing to listen to because I respect them. Your right to lecture me is very dubious at this point.


  18. larry |

    Is society to behave based on the criteria put forth by the definitions of “pride” we are seeing advocated here? Taking pride in not being homosexual is no worse/better than taking pride in being gay.
    The problem here is one of using a straight forward, if not provocative, statement to open some totally different issues.
    Nancy merely stated a feeling that many of us adhere to. Why did some of you feel that racial and ethnic issues should also be addressed?


  19. d |

    Clarissa,yes,we are. You go girl! Definition of pride,The American Heritage Dictionary,version is,a sense of one’s own value,or self respect. Or,pride, a company of lions,you go ahead,roar! folks. You have suffered in silence long enough. Dan,have you ever been to New Orleans in February? Or to an adult halloween party,or a masquerade ball? You have led a sheltered life,if you haven’t seen adults act that way,or dress outrageously. How about a rock concert? You can have pride in anything you want to,up to the individual. Do Irish folk scare you, or make you uneasy on St.Patrick’s Day,Nancy? Get over it,people let Homosexuals be as public as they want,we are.
    Have you ever listened to a tale of conquests spewed out by a “playboy”? I have,and that makes me uncomfortable,but society smiles on that spewing of “pride”. You are merely,old-fashioned,you guys who are uneasy,or else you are bigots or worse,you choose.


  20. Dan Miller |

    d,

    Dan,have you ever been to New Orleans in February? Or to an adult Halloween party, or a masquerade ball?

    Nope, I haven’t had that pleasure. Nor have I ever attended a rock concert; the noise is too loud for me and the so called music too cacophonic. I am an old fuddy duddy, it’s my own doing and I take some “pride,” however misguided, in that; please do not try to deprive me of it.

    However, it seems (from a safe distance, of course) unlikely that the folks participating in them are seeking to gain the general acceptance of other people of more repressed lives by virtue of their demonstrated sincerity and wholesome place in society.


  21. Brian |

    Clarissa, could we then say that pleasure is an absence of pain? Or conversely, could we say that pain is an absence of pleasure? Could you equate in flagrante delicto as the equivalent of not being hit on the thumb with a 22 oz hammer?

    To say that one has pride in their sexuality is to say that one should esteem one’s self highly merely over sexual orientation. We have value because we are humans. Sexual preference is incidental to being human.

    I understand the point you are attempting to make, but let’s stop playing fast and loose with definitions, let’s stop co-opting words for political purposes. It ill-suits us all.

    The 2 year old is proud because he pooped on the potty for the first time. The 10 year old is proud after hitting his first home run in little league. The 24 year old is proud for earning her bachelor’s degree by working 20-30 hrs a week and attending school full time.

    Absence of one thing doesn’t necessarily imply the presence of it’s opposite. In formal logic, this is known as affirming the consequent and is out of bounds.

    If you go outside when it’s raining, you will get wet. If I happen to see you when you are wet, I cannot deduce from that that you have been outside while it is raining. It might be true that you had just come in from the rain, but the fact that you are wet doesn’t establish this. You could be sweaty, or you might have just stepped out of the shower.

    In the same way, it is irrational to deduce that pride is the absence of shame. I realize that “Gay Absence-of-Shame Week” isn’t quite as catchy as “Gay Pride Week,” but there we are.

    Taken from another angle, should I be proud of the fact that I like tall women with alabaster skin and blue eyes? No, it merely happens to be my preference. Should I be proud of the fact that I like to wear blue or black shirts with khaki pants? No, again, it is merely my preference. Now, I do take pride in the fact that my clothes are so crisply ironed/starched that I could cut my finger on the creases, but that is because of the effort I have taken to look neat and orderly.


  22. d |

    You had me at tall ,alabaster skin and blue eyes,me, but crisply ironed shirts.don’t go there,Forget it! Oh,come on, Dan,I love rock and roll,put another dime in the juke box,baby. All just semantics,Brian,let it be pride,if it makes them happy.


  23. Brian |

    Doris, there is no such thing as “just semantics.” Words have meaning. If we start playing fast and loose with definitions and/or syntax, we diminish our ability to communicate. That isn’t useful for anyone, and in fact could ultimately be harmful to us all.

    It is a pitiable life indeed for one to take pride in a thing that didn’t require any effort at all. Does it take any effort at all to be homosexual? Should one take pride in the fact that one has chosen a rib-eye over pork tenderloin for dinner? That’s just silly.


  24. d |

    If you were ashamed of what and who you were for years,you too,might be proud to be able to say what you were out loud, to anyone who would listen. You are supposed to be proud of who you are. I was proud of my newborn child,immediately. Makes no sense,I didn’t do anything that wasn’t biological,nor did they. Somehow,we all feel pride about different things in our lives,even our sexual or biological properties. Doesn’t Nancy sound real proud that she is a heterosexual? Not me,just born that way. No reason to be uneasy about Gays,just a waste of time and doesn’t seem to contribute to your life to be so. Guess what?They are here to stay,your not changing it,so get used to it.
    Dan,the term Gay,for homosexuals came from the press terming,Liberace,as “light and Gay” a much better term than the one he sued over,a fruity man. They took the term from his own show entitled,everything light and gay. The term sounded so much better than the others being used,so in the 70s, it stuck. Although,I have not known any homosexuals,who seemed lighter or gayer,than anyone else,maybe less so.


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