Opinion Forum

A Nobel Peace Prize for Assange and Manning

December 10th, 2010

It’s time to think about nominating Julian Assange and Bradley Manning for the 2011 Nobel Peace Prize. Who better to represent the views of the anti-American euro-lefties who select the winner — five Norwegians selected by the Norwegian parliament — and their like-minded friends in the U.S.?

Surely we could prevail on some of the Americans eligible to make nominations to consider Assange and Manning, given their preeminent contributions to the leftist cause. After all, the Berkley, CA city council is about to declare Manning, who stole the documents Assange published, a hero and a patriot who deserves a medal. There’s a university nearby that I’m sure has plenty of faculty members who would be more than willing to champion the cause of a Nobel for Assange and Manning. Or pick just about any university in America — there’ll be pillowfights in faculty lounges across the country over who gets to sign the nomination first.

This isn’t such a far-fetched idea. Look at who has received Nobel Peace Prizes in the past. Yasser Arafat, a supremely corrupt and brutal terrorist who cynically made non-peace. Al Gore, failed politician and corpulent national joke who rode the global warming horse to fame and great fortune. Barack Obama, who…well, he didn’t do anything. Don’t get me wrong — there are some deserving and truly great laureates on the list. There are also nobodies who did nothing much other than reflect the biases of five Norwegians.

And look at who else has been nominated. Rush Limbaugh in 2007, in competition with Al Gore et al. He had as much chance of winning as I would of becoming the starting quarterback for the Washington Redskins (somebody has to do it). Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin, Benito Mussolini and Fidel Castro have been nominated, as has the late Stanley Tookie Williams, a convicted multiple murderer and leader of a notorious criminal gang.

Granted, just being nominated doesn’t mean there’s any possibility of winning. But look closely — some of these nominees were arguably better candidates than some of those who have won. And there’s the honor of it — just ask Rush, who babbled endlessly about his nomination. American lefties would out-babble Limbaugh, citing the Nobel nominations of Assange and Manning as they extolled their virtues.

There’s a humanitarian issue, too. Assange and Manning are facing the huge cost of buying celebrity lawyers. If they win the Prize, they would share more than $1,000,000. That would take some of the financial pressure off rich members of the Democratic left, the Hollywood glitterati, threadbare professors, and residents of New York and California who would contribute to their defense funds.

And who knows what well-deserved honors might follow if they’re nominated, not to mention if they win? Time Magazine’s man person of the year? An Oscar for a forthcoming movie, or at least a grainy YouTube video? Maybe a Presidential Medal of Freedom, presented by fellow laureate Barack Obama? (It might have to be presented outside the U.S. — maybe in Norway, Egypt, or Indonesia. But they’ll have to hurry because it might not be possible after January 20, 2013.)

Now, you may think I’m just being sarcastic, but I mean it. Giving a Nobel Peace Prize to Julian Assange and Bradley Manning would not only appropriately recognize their heroic contributions to world peace, it would forever assign that prestigious award to its proper place in history.

Articles written by Tom Carter
Tags: Assange, leftists, Manning, Nobel Peace Prize, Norway, Obama, satire
Categories: Humor, News, Politics | Comments (6) | Home

6 Responses to “A Nobel Peace Prize for Assange and Manning”

zain | December 12th, 2010 at 7:10 am

I fully support the truth comming out – no matter how – the larger the effect of the leaked truth the more neccessary it is. I dont care if it endangers the lives of soldiers the lies endanger the world.

“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled is to convince the world he doesnt exist” – Kaiser Soze (from the movie The Usual Suspects)

I dont know if the (d)evil exists but evil definately does.

The greatest trick the powers of the world have ever pulled is getting the middle class to pay for the sins of the rich and like it – and heres the kicker -> die defending the right to do exactly that. (usually on FOX NEWS – where you dont have to be dumb to watch – but it helps)

Texans *** with the middle east for decades to bring oil to sell (at great profit) to you the middle and lower classes. The Mideast anger causes you middle classes to suffer extended body cavity searches at airports and you buy the crap that “the evil arabs” are controlling the oil. Those dumb *** arabs didnt know the difference between oil and hummus until your kind. And they still dont – they sell CRUDE oil – your guys REFINE it and sell it to you. who do you think makes the real money ?

Its like a tax on stupidity – but unfortunately my kids will suffer the effects of that stupidity so I have to speak out.

Brianna | December 12th, 2010 at 2:36 pm

Well, that (Zain’s) rant was bizarre.

Dan Miller | December 12th, 2010 at 3:16 pm

Brianna, not at all. I agree with Zain and have already sent my credit card and other (I think) previously confidential personal data to a delightful gentleman in Nigeria, or it may have been Somalia. I couldn’t quite figure out which but trust that it is in good hands. He did, after all, advise me in confidence that he is the sole surviving son of the former President of that noble country. He promises to go easy on my scarce resources and to take only the very minimum he needs to campaign for the immediate award of Nobel Prizes to Messrs. Assange and Manning. It is far too important to wait another year.

It’s a very worthwhile cause and I am confident that all well meaning souls world wide will contribute generously as soon as the project becomes public. My Nigerian/Somalian friend needs just a few days to get seed money from my credit cards to accomplish this.

Tom Carter | December 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm

Since Zain seems to rely on Keyser Soze for some sort of moral or philosophical guidance, perhaps he too is imaginary — or maybe not. In either case, Kint/Soze had little connection to truth and talked a lot of nonsense. Maybe if we read Zain’s comment several times, the the logic will emerge. But I doubt it.

Dan, if you don’t mind, forward me the e-mail you sent with your credit card and confidential personal data. I’m sure Keyser and I could make better use of it than your Nigerian or Somalian friend. As Keyser’s exclusive agent in the decadent West (as opposed to the land of enlightenment that Zain apparently lives in), I’m sure we could invest your riches quite well.

Dan Miller | December 12th, 2010 at 5:42 pm

Tom,

Alas, I can’t. My Nigerian/Somalian (or maybe Iranian; I don’t know for sure) friend asked that I delete all traces of correspondence with him from my computer lest malicious hackers and other enemies of truth and justice become prematurely aware of his good deeds and manage to thwart him. I trust him and, of course, did as he requested.

Here is a grossly libelous article, claiming that

Jeff Patterson of the Bradley Manning Support Network told The Sunday Telegraph of London, “From July, WikiLeaks publicly solicited donations specifically for Bradley’s defense expenses, and I assume people did donate.

“They led us to believe they would make a substantial contribution in September. Since then we have had perhaps half a dozen conversations trying to follow up with them but we have not yet received any money.”

. . . .

Meanwhile, a senior WikiLeaks activist, Icelandic parliamentarian Birgitta Jonsdottir, told the Telegraph she and others have quit the group in grave concern about its treatment of sources and “lack of transparency with relation to large sums of money.”

The paper also reports that a major WikiLeaks funding channel, the Wau Holland Foundation, has been been twice officially warned by German charity regulators for failing to file financial records.

PayPal, which last week cut off donations to WikiLeaks, has suspended the site’s account twice before, once under money-laundering regulations.

Still, I have faith in the goodness and innocence of all mammals and believe that contributions to Pvt. Manning’s defense fund have been diverted but temporarily to the cause you yourself so nobly promote. I am confident that my modest contributions will eventually make it to their intended recipient. These things do take time and effort.

Tom Carter | December 12th, 2010 at 5:56 pm

Oh ye of little faith! I have it on good authority that Julian Assange is actually Keyser Soze, and Bradley Manning is his Mini-Me. They’re very smart, and I heard they sent the money to your Kyrgyzstanianac source, who is actually a cut-out for the Iranian who sent the money on to the Nigerian, who funneled it on to Nancy Pelosi’s re-election fund. Nancy is forwarding half of it to Bradley’s defense fund, and the other half is going to Client #9 who will use his contacts to procure diversion for Julian/Keyser. Now I’m beginning to sound like Zain….