Opinion Forum

Happy Birthday, Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il

February 19th, 2011

The synchronized dancing and swimming demonstrations were remarkable as was the evident rapture of the appreciative spectators.

The deficit and other petty problems of the United States are well on their way to bipartisan solutions. Freedom, prosperity, democracy, and peace have returned to Arab lands due to President Obama’s multicultural outlook. Now that Obama has taken to slamming Israel and apologizing for the wicked ways of the United States before she came under his leadership, it seems appropriate to examine the many ways in which the Democratic Peoples’ Republic of [North] Korea (DPRK) is continuing to show the rest of the world how to achieve those same goals for all. There are important lessons to be learned if only we will look and listen.

The DPRK is celebrating the sixty-ninth birthday (or seventieth — it all depends on how one counts) of Kim Jong-il, its hereditary Great Leader, eventually to be replaced by his son Kim Jong-un, the Brilliant Young General. The synchronized dancing and swimming demonstrations were remarkable as was the evident rapture of the appreciative spectators.

Not to be outdone by the human celebrations, nature got into the act by displaying a large bright halo over the sacred manger mountaintop where the Great Leader was born:

The bright sun rose up, throwing its brilliant rays and the area of the Paektusan Secret Camp turned into a fascinating picturesque of spring. Then rarely big and bright halo persisted in the sky above Jong Il Peak for an hour, starting at 09:30.

There is no truth to any rumor that President Obama is jealous or that he plans to release any personal information to assuage the illegitimate concerns of those who do not know for certain where he was born and hence have been unable to arrange similar natural events in his honor; he is too modest and self-effacing to desire that sort of thing.

Candid reports of the glories of the DPRK can be found here; they counterbalance rabid lies seeping into the DPRK from foreign countries:

North Koreans are enduring a winter of discontent exacerbated by total lack of electricity for home heating or lighting. In Pyongyang, says Mr. Ha, electrical power is a luxury that few are qualified to receive. Residents have battled the sub-zero cold, he says, by draping vinyl over windows and doors.

Along with news about Egypt are photos of Kim Jong-il quaffing a glass of wine and of the faces of his oldest, Kim Jong-nam, and youngest, Kim Jong-un, in line to succeed his father as North Korea’s leader, the headline reads, “Republic of Fat.”

“They’re sick because they ate too much,” says the caption under the pictures. Opposite those are pictures of emaciated children and a young woman whose body was discovered in a field after she starved to death. “This woman is picking clover not for a rabbit but for herself,” the caption says.

Great Leader Kim feels the pain of his flock, and it has been reported that he may even be resorting to fake designer goods to distribute to his loving people as his birthday gifts to them because that’s all he can afford. As recompense and to spare the people the pain of trying to understand the situations in Egypt and elsewhere, all news of that sort of nonsense has been blacked out.

Meanwhile, the DPRK has completed its second missile launching tower (a Voice of America headline says “Space Launch Site” at Tongchangdong, near the border with China, and appears to have expanded and modernized its uranium enrichment program. It may conduct another nuclear test late in 2011 or early 2012 as its way of demonstrating its hopes for peace to a critical and suspicious world.

Doubtless unrelated, the DPRK has directed its ambassadors to forty nations to beg for food and the United Nations is considering three hundred thousand tons of humanitarian relief for the happy and prosperous residents of the DPRK.

The government of the DPRK has informed WFP that further assistance is needed as the current severe winter is expected to have an impact on the early spring harvest. The recent vegetable harvest was also lower than expected. …

North Korea’s state media reported last week that foot-and-mouth disease has spread across the country, and thousands of livestock, including cows and pigs, have died.

The U.N. assessment is initially being conducted by local staff in North Korea. International staff from Rome and Bangkok will arrive Feb. 20, Luescher said, adding that the mission will continue until March 6.

Petty and unjustified concerns have been expressed that food aid might go to the glorious military forces of the DPRK; obviously, that could not happen because the scrupulously trustworthy leaders there would not permit it. Their interests lie solely with the welfare of the common people.

Continue reading this article at Pajamas Media »

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: China, DPRK, Kim Jong-il, missiles, North Korea, satire, starvation, UN
Categories: Humor, News, Politics | Comments (2) | Home

2 Responses to “Happy Birthday, Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il”

Dan Miller | February 21st, 2011 at 7:49 am

Here is all the proof we need, from a reliable ~~propaganda~~ news source (Google translation of entire article here, that all is well and getting better all the time in the DPRK. According to the article,

February 16 is General Secretary Kim Jong-il’s birthday. Choi Ok got up early and put on her newly-bought traditional Korean dress on which she spent over US$200. The red color of the dress beautifully brings out the festivity. Like in past years, she visited to Chairman Kim Il-sung’s mausoleum at the Kumsusan Memorial Palace not far away from her home…Choi Ok bought a bouquet of flowers and proceeded to the bronze statue…

After sending flowers, Choi Ok had a look at her watch and then took out her cell phone to call her college friends… It’s so much more convenient for contact with cell phones. Within Pyongyang, there are nearly 500,000 3G cell phone users. By the end of the year, the number will have reached one million. The entire Pyongyang has 2 million residents, and only one million live in downtown. Now basically every two residents own one cell phone. All her friends have had cell phones for a long time. How fast the change is!

…Now there are much more taxi cabs than before. Besides Jetta, there are also Volkswagen, Geely, (Ford) Focus. Going out is much more convenient. She had good luck today. There were no traffic jam. Lately it seems a lot of cars popped up suddenly from nowhere in Pyongyang, and traffic congestion, which was never seen before, occurred very often…

…A famous store in Pyongyang was having sales promotions. The store was packed with customers. There were a dazzling array of merchandise. Choi Ok and her friends shopped a lot and walked out of the store with bags after bags. It was lunch time. Where to dine has become a real question. Before, there were only a handful restaurants for selection. Now in Pyongyang a wide variety of restaurants are operating…There were outbursts of laughter from time to time. The festive air was very powerful. In the end the server gave Choi a discount card. She can enjoy a 10% discount if she comes within the next two months. Really great!

More varied and interesting events came in the afternoon. Kim Jong-il Flower Show is a must-see for celebrating February 16. When Choi Ok came to the exhibition hall with her friends, it was a sea of people. Then Choi found she forgot to bring her digital camera. Luckily the exhibition hall has express photo service. It takes only a few minutes to get the photos. After that, Choi and friends also went to a movie…Then she hailed a cab to go home.”

In view of the luxurious way of life available there for all, some thought is doubtless being given to providing food aid to the starving peasants in the United States and elsewhere.

Tom Carter | February 21st, 2011 at 1:50 pm

When I first read this, I just automatically assumed that it was from a New York Times report, carrying on in the great tradition of Walter Duranty. Then I clicked the link and saw that it’s from the People’s Daily. Hard to tell the difference sometimes….