Opinion Forum

Obama and Holder Will Get to Root of High Gas Prices

April 22nd, 2011

Or something.

In a timely effort to combat unanticipated increases in gasoline prices, President Obama and Attorney General Holder today flew separately onto the world stage, handsomely mounted on their white unicorns. They promised to “be vigilant in monitoring the oil and gas markets for any wrongdoing so that consumers can be confident they are not paying higher prices as a result of illegal activity.” Other causes? Shhhh! Earth Day is coming fast and Gaia hates to hear about those.

Their promise came despite a very few minor ~~opportunities~~ problems:

There’s not much Obama can do to affect the price of gasoline in short term, something he acknowledged in his remarks. Gas prices have risen steadily as a result of tensions in the Middle East and northern Africa and rising demand from China and other emerging economies.

Given that no evidence has yet surfaced of actual fraud or price manipulation in oil markets, Obama’s remarks appeared, at least in part, as more of an attempt to assuage public anger over rising gas prices.

Obviously, Republican speculators and oil companies want to make a profit of some sort; that’s a throwback to wicked capitalist ways and socially unacceptable.

We need not be concerned, however. Even if gasoline prices continue, unexpectedly, to rise, there will be solar power aplenty as prices for that sort of stuff fall, as expected, because of governmental Smart® Intervention. That has happened with other outrageously expensive electronic devices. President Obama noted,

“Having a flat-screen TV used to be a big deal,” Obama said. But he said now such TVs are commonplace because prices have dropped so much.

While acknowledging he doesn’t spend much time these days behind the wheel, Obama said, “I’ve been in one of these Chevy Volts. This is a nice car. It drives well.”

He said when such vehicles become more affordable, “those of you out there driving that 8-mile-a-gallon SUV” should consider a purchase. Otherwise, by buying gasoline that likely came from imported oil, Americans “are putting money in the pockets of people who do not like us at all,” he said.

They “don’t like us at all?” He’s only being characteristically modest, but that’s silly. In fact, they love us to death due to his grand apology tours. Now, our very best friends are in the oil producing countries, such as Venezuela and other kindred spirits in the Middle East.

Sounds like trade in time for sure.

(This article was also posted at The PJ Tatler.)

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: Chevy Volt, gasoline, Holder, prices, satire, solar power, unicorn
Categories: News, Politics | Comments (1) | Home

One Response to “Obama and Holder Will Get to Root of High Gas Prices”

Tom Carter | April 23rd, 2011 at 7:08 am

I realize that Obama won’t do it for ideological reasons, but he could immediately drive gas prices down by doing two things:

1. Announce that he’s ending drilling restrictions and domestic U.S. oil exploitation is going to be opened up, and

2. Start taking a hard line with OPEC and otherwise behaving in foreign policy in ways that are advantageous to the U.S.

But it won’t happen.