Opinion Forum

Osama bin Laden Conspiracy Theories

May 4th, 2011

There has to be something to the bin Laden conspiracy theories!

Having dined on a rich and varied feast of conspiracy theories since long before May Day, the Obama Administration has sensed the need to provide frequent updates to the bin Laden narrative for one of the following reasons: (a) to rebut the theories as they surface or (b) to provide sufficient credibility to keep them alive until they can be rebutted simultaneously or (c) both or (d) neither. Or maybe it’s just the fog of ~~spin~~ war or an heroic effort to lead the Islamists to understand how respectful President Obama is of the Religion of Peace. Or both, neither or something else.

The best theory I’ve heard so far (I concocted it and then overheard myself talking about it) is that King George the Conspiratorial set up the entire operation well before he left office, knowing that President Obama would assume the reins of government. It was his plan that, while mounting his flying unicorn to chase bin Laden, President Obama would drop the reins, get his feet hopelessly entangled, be faced with a kinetic emergency dismount contingency and land in an open vat of pig byproducts. Or at least get his knickers in a twist and embarrass himself in public. Or both. Or neither. Having concealed his legendary role in the vast 9-11 ~~Broadway production~~ conspiracy for a decade, arranging this was mere child’s play for the former king.

Oh. Did I mention that Cindy Sheehan, intimately involved in King George’s vile conspiracy since even before its conception, recently presented her own theories? The two of them discussed the plan covertly and at great length as he pretended to make war and she pretended to protest it at his palace in Texas. More recently, they decided that now would be the best possible moment to implement it in support of her possible candidacy as Cynthia McKinney’s Green Party presidential running mate. It’s certain to be a surefire winner; or something. For somebody. Maybe.

All true and verifiable? Deniable? I don’t know but I overheard myself talking about it.

(This article was first published at The PJ Tatler.)

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: 9/11, bin Laden, Bush, conspiracy, satire, Sheehan, theories, unicorn
Categories: Humor, News, Politics | Comments (1) | Home

One Response to “Osama bin Laden Conspiracy Theories”

Tom Carter | May 4th, 2011 at 3:14 am

I’m sure the conspiracy theorists are busy spinning their yarns. It’s going to be fun to see what kind of nonsense issues from their fevered brains.

And by the way, I’ll be sure to credit you with the first I heard of the sinister link between George Bush and Cindy Sheehan. Why didn’t I see that before — it was so obvious!