A Forum for Opinions on News, Politics, and Life
August 31st, 2011
By Tom Carter
I realize that everyone has the right to believe in their own particular
superstition religion and, at least in America, the right to engage in whatever goofy behavior their religion requires, as long as they don’t impinge on the rights of others.
Once in a while, though, some ridiculous religious practice pops up in front of you that demands comment, once you stop laughing. Such is the case with the swimsuits some Muslim women wear, voluntarily or otherwise.
Take for example the advertisement I found on the internet for the “Alsharifa Laguna Modest Swimsuit.” Some of the descriptions of the swimsuit in the ad are especially chucklable:
Does not cling to skin, even when wet. Now, I can see how important that is. Imagine what would happen if the swimsuit clung to the wearer’s skin when wet, revealing that it was a woman instead of, say, a man with an oddly attractive face. This could result in the untimely demise of the wearer at the hands of her father, brother, uncle, or husband in order to protect the family’s honor. So when you think about it, this swimsuit actually saves lives.
50+ SPF (sun protection factor). No doubt. That’s about the same SPF a woman experiences when she’s praying at the mosque (behind and separate from the men, of course) or cleaning up the house.
Full cut, fits most people. And most elephants, for that matter.
Knee-level tunic for maximum modesty. Good thing, too. If it were discernible that the wearer actually has knees, can you imagine how turned on the average Muslim dude would get? (See above re the family’s honor.)
Prevents women from engaging in water sports. OK, I made this one up. But think about how damaging it would be to the Muslim male ego if a woman could swim faster or perform better than him in synchronized swimming or, heaven forbid, the breast stroke!
Here’s another ad for
potatosack modest Muslim beach fashions:
Before Christians take too much pleasure from this example of Muslim silliness, they might want to check out this tomfoolery practiced by some of their coreligionists:
Imagine what it would be like if a Muslim woman from California and a Christian snake handler from Kentucky met and fell in love. They arrange a date to meet on the beach, far from the murderous eyes of her relatives:
As they approach each other, he says, “Is that you, honey? All I can see is eyes…where are your knees?”
She replies, perhaps smiling but who knows, her swimsuit billowing out several yards in all directions, “Of course it’s me, sweetheart! Is that a snake in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?”
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