Opinion Forum

Drinking Water Can Prevent Dehydration

November 18th, 2011

According to the European Union, based on a three year investigation by experts in the field, there is no evidence that drinking water can prevent dehydration.

Producers of bottled water are now forbidden by law from making the claim and will face a two-year jail sentence if they defy the edict, which comes into force in the UK next month.

Last night, critics claimed the EU was at odds with both science and common sense. Conservative MEP Roger Helmer said: “This is stupidity writ large.”

“The euro is burning, the EU is falling apart and yet here they are: highly-paid, highly-pensioned officials worrying about the obvious qualities of water and trying to deny us the right to say what is patently true.

Roger Helmer is a member of the European Parliament from the U.K.

Will the British National Health Service have to revise its guidelines and no longer claim that “drinking water helps avoid dehydration, and that Britons should drink at least 1.2 litres per day?” The NHS probably should, because of all the disgusting things fish do in it. Yuck.

Still, some in the U.K. are unhappy with the ruling. According to Paul Nuttall, another member of the European Parliament from the U.K.,

I had to read this four or five times before I believed it. It is a perfect example of what Brussels does best. Spend three years, with 20 separate pieces of correspondence before summoning 21 professors to Parma where they decide with great solemnity that drinking water cannot be sold as a way to combat dehydration.

“Then they make this judgment law and make it clear that if anybody dares sell water claiming that it is effective against dehydration they could get into serious legal bother.

On the other hand, this article in the Guardian argues that the EU determination is quite sane. Oh well, it doesn’t matter. Since the United States has few bureaucrats of such superb competence, we should offer higher salaries and efficiency bonuses to lure as many as possible to Washington to help. Better yet, we should join the European Union. In either event, many jobs could be saved or created.

I’m thirsty. Is it too early for a beer?

(This article was first published at The PJ Tatler.)

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: advertising, dehydration, EU, satire, water
Categories: Humor, News, Politics | Comments (4) | Home

4 Responses to “Drinking Water Can Prevent Dehydration”

d | November 18th, 2011 at 5:38 pm

Didn’t say anything about beer curing dehydration or not,maybe it does and coffe,and tea,just not water. Oh my gosh,this is a stupid study. even regular dumb guys have already figured this one out,why the study,anyway? They have way too much time and money, on their hands. Our Government spends millions each year studying ridiculous things too. Why don’t they just ask a teenager,they know everything?

Dan Miller | November 18th, 2011 at 5:55 pm

These studies are crucial to human well-being. Just think what would happen to the numerous experts in Brussels and Washington if such studies were no longer funded. Think of their little children! They might have no option but to beg, side by side with their disgraced parents, for scraps at the better restaurants.

Tears come to my eyes when I think of such non-humanitarian travesties.

Tom Carter | November 18th, 2011 at 7:33 pm

Seems the nub of the argument is whether drinking water in the right amounts at the right times prevents dehydration, and that’s a no-brainer. On the other hand, drinking a lot of water when one is already dehydrated can be dangerous. Using rehydration salts to treat dehydration, particularly when diarrhea is involved, can be a life-saver and has, in fact, saved many lives in third-world countries.

As to this specific study, it’s just another example of the mischief that can result from too many people on public payrolls looking for something to do.

Dan Miller | November 18th, 2011 at 7:59 pm

Surely, sir, you refer to the multiple hazards of consuming dihydrogen monoxide. However, I agree with W.C. Fields that it is foolish as well as dangerous to drink water; think of all the disgusting things fish do in it.