Opinion Forum

Kim Jong-il Has Passed to His Long Hoped For Reward

December 20th, 2011

Will the son of the Wicked Warlock be any better?

Here is my article on the unlamented (except perhaps by those in North Korea who know their place) passing of North Korean dictator and Dear Leader Kim Jong-il. His death, on the morning of December 17th, was officially announced at about noon on December 19th. According to the North Korean media, he died of a heart attack caused by overwork:

He worked day and night for socialist construction and happiness of people, for the union of country and modernisations. He left us so suddenly.

Perhaps of interest, his official biography reveals that He

was born on Mount Paekdu, the highest point on the Korean peninsula, under a double rainbow. The moment of his birth was foretold by the flight of a swallow and the appearance of a bright, new star in the sky. Three weeks later, Kim was able to walk. And, only five weeks after that, he began to speak.

That same biography also explained that the Supreme Commander never made a bowel movement.

The last sentence may explain some of His behavior.

This video reveals a few of His other incredible accomplishments.

This video, apparently taken yesterday, shows people mourning His demise — in regimented North Korean fashion.

As noted in my article, the country has essentially shut down:

Following the official announcement of Kim Jong Il’s death today, North Korea has imposed rigid social controls, including the complete closure of markets.

An inside source told Daily NK this lunchtime, “The jangmadang is closed and people are not allowed to go outside. Local Party secretaries are issuing special commands through local Union of Democratic Women unit chairwomen, and the chairwomen have been gathered at district offices for emergency meetings.”

According to the source, National Security Agency and People’s Safety Ministry agents have been deployed in streets and alleyways to control civilian movements. There have not been any signs of public unrest to date.

Kim Jong Il’s sudden death has apparently caught people off-guard, the source revealed, commenting, “Nobody had the slightest idea about the General’s death even right before they saw the broadcast. You can hear the sound of wailing outside.”

North Korea has also “urged an increase in its ‘military capability’ as the death of North Korea’s enigmatic leader Kim Jong Il spurred fresh security concerns in the tense region.” On the day that Kim’s death was announced, North Korea test-fired two short-range missiles off its eastern coast. There has been little additional information from the provinces as to what else may be happening there in response to Kim’s death.

Now that he is dead and presumably will not be resurrected, the Korean peninsula is likely to be in for some turmoil until things settle down; that may take awhile. Negotiations over cessation of nuclear activities and the resumption of food aid to the North will likely stall until it is known who is in charge in the North. Kim’s young son (his age is thought to be between twenty-eight and thirty), Kim Jong-un, was until today referred to as the Brilliant Young General. Now he is known at the Great Successor. However, he may be displaced by a regency and have only temporary and ceremonial powers. It is too early to say. I hope to be able to explore the transition, to Kim Jong-un or to someone else, as the situation develops.

(This article was also posted at Dan Miller’s Blog.)

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: death, Kim Jong-il, Kim Jong-un, North Korea, satire, succession
Categories: Military, News, Politics | Comments (4) | Home

4 Responses to “Kim Jong-il Has Passed to His Long Hoped For Reward”

Tom Carter | December 20th, 2011 at 5:22 pm

The Clown is dead, long live the Clown! The cult of personality that defines most authoritarian regimes is usually less ridiculous, and the leader is usually more serious and capable. Add nuclear weapons to the mix, and in NK you’ve got ding-dongs ready to wage nuclear war. (Sounds like Iran in the future, too.)

Just as impressive as his supernatural ability not to poop is his even more supernatural ability as a golfer. Reportedly, in the one and only round of golf he ever played, he carded a 34 (38 strokes under par) with 11 holes-in-one. What a guy!

Dan Miller | December 20th, 2011 at 5:48 pm

And, of course, the ROK has stores of chemical and biological weapons and other neat toys should someone decide not to use the nukes.

But don’t worry! We have our own Clown in Chief. Surely, he will protect us from all harm just as he has kept the seas from rising and has brought peace to the world. He even got an anticipatory Nobel Peace Prize, don’t ya know! Now, he only needs more time to work on his golf game to be a complete success. Maybe come 2013 . . . .