Let’s All Vote for President Obama

January 23rd, 2012

By Dan Miller

There are excellent reasons!
Trust me —
Obama supporters told me and they must know.

Sad Obama

You people make me sad.

Sadly, our appreciation of President and Mrs. Obama has not kept pace with reality and we have disappointed them.

As Michelle said to Oprah in an interview she did with the president last May: “I always told the voters, the question isn’t whether Barack Obama is ready to be president. The question is whether we’re ready.  And that continues to be the question we have to ask ourselves.”

They still believed, as their friend Valerie Jarrett once said, that Obama was “just too talented to do what ordinary people do.” (Emphasis in original)

Far from “ordinary,” President Obama’s talents truly surpass mere human understanding and, if there is to be hope for our once great nation, we must recognize this and get ready, finally, to give him our full support. It may well be true that President Obama “could get 70 or 80 percent of the vote anywhere but the U.S.”  If so, that is very sad and must diminish us even further in their estimation.

Striving to be post-partisan, post-racial and post-divisive, this article provides ten reasons to vote for President Obama this year.  It is conceivable that there may be others but I haven’t been able to find them.

President Obama Sings Al Green1. He sings beautifully.

Barack Obama is the most accomplished vocalist ever to become the President of the United States. It would not unduly twist this article by Maureen Dowd, also cited above, to suggest that singing has been his greatest accomplishment.  Not one of the few remaining Republican aspirants could hope even to approach his spellbinding rendition at the Apollo Theater of  “I, I’m so in love with you.”  It has even become a ringtone.

[P]resident Obama earned high marks for his singing voice from “American Idol” associate music director and vocal coach Michael Orland, who told MTV News, “I swear to you, if he auditioned for me in the big stadium [rounds], I would have put him through to the producers immediately. I think he was really charming and had a great voice, and that’s all you can really tell in the a cappella rounds anyway. … I thought his phrasing was great, how he broke it up and really worked the room while he was doing it.”

How could anyone deny him the praise to which he justly entitled?

It was truly amazing and there is no truth to any rumor that President Obama gazed soulfully in a mirror as he sang of and to his true love; that was his teleprompter.

Music can bring innocent joy to the otherwise drab and miserable lives of us all, even the unfortunates in fly-over country who cling wrongly but tenaciously to their guns and Bibles.  We need a president willing to soothe us with inspirational songs and who will devote his next term as President to doing only that. Enrico Caruso, you have finally lost your place in our hearts and therefore in history.

2. Through his words and deeds, President Obama has taught our enemies to fear us no more; additional work remains that only he can do.

President Obama made a great start during his “apology” tours early in his first term but then had to limit his noble efforts.  He had no choice, because of the regrettable need to deal with unreasonable Republicans, cheered on by Tea Party Patriots Terrorists, who have as their only guiding principles obstructing, weakening and delaying his munificent initiatives.

Due to his early but incredible efforts, all fears our enemies once had of us have vanished.  Only their hatred of the United States remains.  President Obama must finish his job by making our imperialist warmongering and offensively affluent lifestyles end, as he has striven mightily to do.  When he succeeds, our enemies’ righteous jealousy and hatred will also cease.  Although “Kumbaya” may have become passe, all will unite in rewarding us by singing  “I, I’m so in love with you” and finally we will all be able, humbly and honestly, to sing the same song to them.

3. All remaining Republican candidates are certifiably insane or at least immature.

Every sane voter knows that Dr. Ron Paul is mindbogglingly nuts. During his rare lucid moments even he may recognize this.  Former Speaker Gingrich? Perhaps as brilliant as an exploding star, he is damaged goods. Even at the advanced age of sixty-eight, he is as immature as the young teenage girl who insanely aspired to sail solo around the world. She succeeded but we must deny success to Former Speaker Gingrich.  He is a mean old cuss.  His meanness is disgusting if not clearly racist and people don’t want that or him.

Even if the country is more jaded after the past few years and indeed, as Sarah Palin has said, is getting past “that hopey, changey stuff,” I still think your average voter wouldn’t put “mean” on their list of leadership qualities. They expect a certain level of consistency in their leaders. And most people still want leaders who talk more about their vision for a brighter tomorrow—albeit grounded in the realities of our world—than their disgust and fright about the state of things today.

Just remember, never smile at former Speaker Gingrich a crocodile.

Former Governor Romney? He’s a Mormon for Pete’s sake, not a Methodist or Black Liberationist like sane people.  Who remains? I forget but so have most others so they don’t matter.

Alice Party at the White House, 2009Obama FantasyPresident Obama does live in a nightmare dream world of fantasy but, far from insanity, it’s beyond merely good that he has found his own laughing place there.  It may not be ours, but it’s his and that’s important.

President Obama’s laughing place is by no means a manifestation of insanity or immaturity; it works very well for him and a happy president is a good president, even though his actions often displease the lunatics among us.  Besides, unicorns and Tinker Bell are real so it’s insane not to recognize that we need only believe in change (and of course vote for President Obama) to make it happen.  If we don’t believe in fairies President Obama, then Tinker Bell will die and Captain Hook Captain Republican will have won; no good and thoughtful person wants that to happen, ever.

4. We need fewer, not more, private sector jobs and President Obama has been massively successful.

That's racist!Former Speaker Gingrich wants

to go into every neighborhood of every ethnic background in every part of the country and say to people very simply, if you want your children to have a life of dependency and food stamps, then you have a candidate as Barack Obama. If you want your children to have a life of independency and pay checks, you have a candidate that’s Newt Gingrich.

Obama and Food Stamps

President Obama is infinitely better, in every conceivable and even inconceivable way. See also Number 8.

5. Unions are good for us, see also Number 4.

Private sector jobs may be OK for those who want them, provided they are union members.  Non-union members who fantasize that they want jobs probably could not even perform them correctly because they lack proper union guidance. President Obama and his enlightened administration have devoted remarkable efforts to ensuring that only good union members find jobs and equally remarkable efforts to ensuring that there are plentiful jobs in government for those who want pay checks but don’t feel compelled to work excessively.

6.  Republicans have maliciously blocked President Obama’s valiant efforts.

President Obama’s mighty efforts to close the prison camp at Guantanamo in the otherwise happy country of Cuba have been blocked at every twist and turn by Republicans.  His efforts must succeed if we are to gain the respect and love of other countries.  The unknown but nevertheless unspeakable horrors experienced there by our falsely accused peace loving victims must cease and only President Obama can and will do it.  He needs strong Democrat majorities in both houses of Congress and every vote for him brings that idyllic prospect closer to reality.  When we finally abolish the U.S. military and reeducate all of its merciless, baby-killing, knuckle dragging cretins even Republicans will be unable to argue that there is a need for such barbarisms. Ho. Ho. Ho!  Republicans gotta go! See also Number 2.

7. We need to destroy national disunity, partisanship and racism, creatively.

President Obama, true to his campaign promises, has given us new multicultural sensitivities and new levels of post-disunity, post-partisanship and post-racism to enjoy.  Continuing his work is crucial to the future happiness, prosperity and general welfare of all of us — even of dead people who cherish more than anything else their right to vote — and only President Obama can destroy the evils that hamper us. Only he can do so in necessarily creative ways.

8. Climate change is bad!

Conservatives, qua conservatives, should oppose all change.  Inconsistently, they refuse to do so.  That climate change is occurring because of the harm that Republicans do is an indisputable scientific fact on which all reputable climate scientists agree; only we can make it stop. Yet conservatives demand, impiously, that we remove oil, coal and other yucky black stuff from deep in the ground where Allah in Her infinite wisdom put them; that’s where all must remain.  Infidel Republicans continue to burn as much as they can while demanding more.  In consequence, the entire planet is heating more than ever before.  Soon, we will have no cool, clean air to breathe and predictably will be overcome by heat, cold, flood and drought.

President Obama has wisely made every effort to halt this travesty but the greedy Republicans have blocked his every move — most recently by demanding that he approve with precipitous speed the Keystone Pipeline project and then trying to take the matter out of his wise hands.  They have done this even though they know that building the pipeline will result, as have all major construction projects in the past, in the death and injury of countless hardworking Americans.  That will deprive us of the resources necessary adequately to provide others, less harmfully engaged, the welfare benefits they amply deserve.  Should the environmentally disastrous pipeline ever become operational, many more deaths and injuries will result from the noxious fumes spewed by all non-green sources of energy.  Solyndra, one of President Obama’s most successful clean energy initiatives, has caused no such problems.  The prices we pay for non-green sources of energy are far too high to pay in our endless attempts to satisfy the insatiable greed of the Republicans and their corporate puppet-masters.

9. Being fairly taxed is good for the soul.

The undeserving rich have long suffered from lack of self-esteem; paying unfairly low taxes has also made them feel guilty, rejected and dejected.  Anxieties, neuroses and other mental illnesses have resulted (see also Number 3).  Only by paying their fair shares of taxes to support our government can they again enjoy useful happiness and thereby rejoin the human race.  It is necessary, for their own good as well as ours, to tax billionaires, millionaires, owners of jet aircraft, and other rich leaches much more heavily than at present. Following President Obama’s true post-partisan principles, this will start with Republicans because they are the richest and therefore the most in need of such governmental assistance. There is no need whatever to tax the forty-seven percent who pay no federal taxes because they are already very happy.

10. It will please President and Mrs. Obama and irritate Republicans.

Finally, and these are the clinchers, President and Mrs. Obama will once again be proud of us.  Of only slightly less importance, every vote cast for President Obama’s reelection will bring tears of joy to Tinker Bell and tears of grief to the grimmest of evil Republicans.  Even Speaker Boehner may get misty-eyed.  They deserve all of the pain we can cause them and may become better citizens because of it.

We must all do what is best for the United States and, for the reasons set forth above if for none other, we must reelect President Obama to at least one more term in office.

(This article was also posted at Dan Miller’s Blog.)

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Categories: Humor, Politics | Comments (7) | Home

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7 Responses to “Let’s All Vote for President Obama”

  1. d |

    LMAO. Very entertaining, indeed, Dan. It isn’t really funny,that the Republican candidates,pretty much, leave us wondering when the real nominee will step up. Romney is tolerable,but still leaves one longing for depth. The Republicans are gonna keep on being indecisive,until they do indeed,re-elect Obama,just because there is no choice,and they stay home.

  2. Dan Miller |

    d, there is only one possible candidate everyone can and should get behind. He will lead us to the promised land. I introduced him here.

  3. larry |

    Would it be safe to call you a disgruntled voter?

  4. Dan Miller |


    No, that would be unfair. However, I am less than totally gruntled.


  5. Tom Carter |

    I have to admit, I was disgruntled before I read this brilliant article. It gave me the gruntle that’s been missing up to this point. I was ready to vote for anyone but Obama, including either Francisco Silva (the clown) or John Wayne Gacy (also a clown, and dead, but so…). Now I’ll vote for Obama to have a second term to permit him to continue bestowing his benevolent presence on us! See what a wonderful thing you did by writing this?

    BTW, I recommend watching the Enrico Caruso video. Nice!

  6. Dan Miller |


    Caruso? Ha! His weak voice and shoddy choice of music then were as nothing compared to President Obama’s now. A reasonable comparison also reveals much about popular culture as it was when Caruso was King and the extent to which President Obama has brought change in which we had better can believe.

    If only the rest of us could appreciate President and Mrs. Obama as much as they do! Sadly, that may be impossible.

  7. larry |

    Are you guys sure this isn’t some sort of deep dark conspiracy?

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