Opinion Forum

Candidate Obama Was Prescient about Greece

May 17th, 2012

Realizing even then that a small nation would show the way during his first term in office, Candidate Obama materialized against a backdrop of sturdy Styrofoam Greek columns to accept his 2008 presidential nomination.

Our ~~Great Leader~~ President consistently understands the past as well as he anticipates the future. Even before 2008 Candidate Obama — previously known only vaguely as a junior Senator from a marginal state — knew that Greece would continue to dangle from a financial precipice and, unless decisive action were taken promptly, fall into oblivion. He also knew that as the time for his preordained reelection as our President drew near in 2012, Greece’s beautifully columned historic sites would be rented out on better terms than ever before to save her. The United States — formerly undirected, befuddled and lacking exceptionalism because they did not have President Obama’s wise and historic leadership — now prepare under his calm but forceful command to bravely follow audacious Greece where no nation had dared to boldly go before. Having followed gallant little Greece to find a suitable precipice, President Obama will now follow her to deal with that ~~opportunity~~ problem. At his Chicago Summit where world leaders are expected to pay him the homage he deserves, he will urge the foundering European nations to follow Greece’s and now his very own path to redemption.

My Source and President Obama’s Plan.

One of my confidential sources, this one deep within the bowels of the Administration and known only as Bowel Source (BS), told me privately that executive orders are now awaiting only final presidential approval. Churchillian in scope and bravery, his orders will authorize long term leases on favorable terms of the Washington Monument, the Jefferson and Lincoln Memorials, the Congress and the Supreme Court to exemplary parties. Executive orders pertaining to all Federal departments and agencies are well along the way to completion, subject only to any reasonable claims the current lessees may make. It has also been learned that an Executive Order relating to the White House is already in gestation; when made public, it will demonstrate the heroic lengths to which President Obama is prepared to go, sacrificing even his own humble home, to save our ~~once~~ great nation from collapse.

Anticipating President Obama’s empathetic and brilliant move, the Service Employees International Union (SEIU) has already submitted a bid for the Congress and the American Civil Libertine Union (ACLU) is preparing one for the Supreme Court. The National Organization of Women (NOW) wants the Washington Monument for its very own phallic symbol, the Demagogic National Committee (DNC) will soon seek the Lincoln Memorial further to enhance its brilliant civil rights record and even little William and Mary College desires the Jefferson Memorial so that it can properly reclaim the title “Mr. Jefferson’s University” from a mere upstart, the University of Virginia. There will doubtless be bids for the White House and federal agencies when or even before President Obama has signed the pertinent Executive Orders. All will provide win-win situations for the lessees and for the nation as a whole. These advances will be no less successful than the brilliant economic plan adopted by Greece upon which they are based.

Barack Obama, the Great and Better than Merely Excellent President.

There can be no question as to President Obama’s wisdom and economic sophistication. With his seeming infinity of transparent crystal balls and the insights into the future they still give him to deal unerringly with what he felt sure would come, his wisdom and economic sophistication are simply incredible. Indisputably, we must give him at least another four years to bring his forward looking plans fully to fruition. Yea, the dead shall rise to vote for him!

Even to think of doing otherwise for our Dear Leader and Messiah would show that we do not deserve him; the consequences would be horrific. Happiness will reign throughout the world, but only if we all vote for Him.