Opinion Forum

We Continue To Be Deprived of Our Most Sacred Human Rights

May 3rd, 2012

Even the most essential of our human rights are being withheld by “our” government. Unless we fix the problems ourselves soon, the U.N. Human Rights Commission must intervene to bring truth, fairness, justice and the American Way for all.

The United States ~~Constitution~~ Declaration of Independence states with great clarity,

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Nowhere does that sacred writing require us to work, as do slaves, to pursue the happy lives we deserve and which are our right; we must have unrestrained liberty to work or not as we see fit. Those who, due to bad parenting, unqualified teachers or for other reasons strangely seek happiness in work must be allowed to pursue their perverted pleasure; they must not on that account be permitted to live better lives or to be happier than those who choose not to work. That would not be fair.

Fairness and self-fulfillment were the main purposes of President Obama’s marvelously popular and most successful initiative, ObamaCare.

Despite the powerful words of our forepersons, heavy chains of enslavement binding us at the mere whim of a stingy government prevent us from enjoying our rights; government ignores our most important rights and petulantly refuses to give us what ~~we are entitled to~~ is, as a matter of right, ours. The most crucial of these rights are summarized below; since all people are equal, everything in the list and much more besides must be provided free for all. With President Obama’s Fairness Under Benignly Assertive Regulation (FUBAR) policy in full bloom, everyone — even Julia — will live long and prosper in happiness.

1. The very best health care must be provided for everyone, even the poorest and least healthy, from birth until death. It will include preventative care including ~~self criticism sessions, social indoctrination,~~ mental health and wellness counseling, contraception, abortion, freedom from sexual deprivation and exploitation, cures for all illnesses and ailments, physical and mental, known as well as unknown, self inflicted and involuntarily incurred.

2. Not merely adequate or even good food but the very best must be given to everyone. It will be provided with the greatest care by highly qualified government experts. As necessary and proper frugality measures, food production must be sustainable and will therefore be permitted only on designated lands and in other appropriate facilities by federally licensed and supervised technicians. The food they so lovingly produce will then be prepared multiculturally and in strict accordance with easy to understand multilingual instructions. Meal preparation and consumption will be accomplished only in rigidly inspected federal facilities. As befits a free and healthy nation, meat products, non-organic vegetables and all of the many unhealthy inedibles now sold at school bake sales and elsewhere by anti-wellness capitalist extremists who relish premature death and worse for consumers will be prohibited.

3. Free land — at least forty acres for sustainable development and a ~~mule~~ rototiller — must be confiscated and given to everyone who desires to occupy them. The new owners of this land and equipment, if they believe they will thereby be enabled more effectively to pursue happiness, will of course be free to combine their holdings to form ~~hippy~~ happy communes.

4. Public transportation promoting our happiness (contrary to the way it is now done) must be made readily available for everyone — urban, suburban and rural alike. It will be federally owned and operated and therefore efficient, fast, safe, frequent and free. Carbon-spewing privately owned land vehicles, yachts and aircraft will no longer be allowed to be manufactured, sold or used and will vanish as did the ancient private railway cars with which robber barons once polluted our air so maliciously.

5. The very best education must be provided for all, with no interference from sadly misguided parents or state and local officials; they know nothing about the best subjects to teach or the best educational methods to employ. The vast expertise of the Federal Government will be deployed in its fullness by highly qualified unionized teachers.

As a horridly imperialistic force only for evil, responsible for the countless ills that still plague the peoples of the earth, the Government — our Benevolent Creator — must repent and ensure that the universal rights summarized above — and more — are equally available to all peoples everywhere. This will be done in strict but compassionate compliance with international law, as decreed at the upcoming Rio+20 summit in Brazil. In consequence, the greatest of all rights will be extended to everyone.

We, along with all in the rest of the world shall then be, all praise be unto President Obama, free at last.

(This article was also posted at Dan Miller’s Blog.)

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: dependency, education, free, housing, human rights, Obamacare, satire
Categories: Humor, News | Comments (1) | Home

One Response to “We Continue To Be Deprived of Our Most Sacred Human Rights”

Tom Carter | May 3rd, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Actually, Dan, I think the original meaning of FUBAR is much more appropriate to describe the Obama Administration. That would also apply to Bush II & Co, of course. I wonder if Romney, or anyone, can do any better….

Aside from all that, you’re just a bad ol’ meanie!