Opinion Forum

Apes Have Been Rude, Crude and Unfair to Attorney General Holder

June 22nd, 2012

They have also been unkind to one of his people, President Obama. They deserve compassion and help, not racist scorn from apes!

General Holder is a courageously humble civil servant who (unlike the Surgeon General) does not even occasionally wear the military uniform of a general officer. Nevertheless, it now appears that the House of Representatives may soon try to ~~stop and frisk him~~ hold him in contempt due solely to the color of his skin. Thus sayeth the Reverend Mr. Sharpton at Puffington Host, a highly respected journal of sane opinion.

The highest officer of law and order in this nation has been ridiculed, scapegoated and handled as some sort of criminal throughout this ‘investigation.’ Turning over thousands of documents and overextending himself, AG Holder was spoken to and mistreated as if he were a child, and reminded that despite his esteemed position, he can and would be profiled. AG Holder was in essence ‘stopped & frisked’ without probable cause, and after he cooperated, he was made an example of. What Issa just showed us is that no matter what our stature in this world, someone can easily try to ‘put us in our place.’ What could be more outrageous? …

Tattered down and publicly humiliated, AG Holder has been mishandled just like the young Black and Latino men (and women) who are demonized on our streets everyday. Chris Matthews of Hardball on MSNBC concurred: AG Holder is being profiled, stopped and searched.

The Party of Apes devised this contemptuous racist ploy for no reason other than to harm our beloved President.

President Obama, our First Lady and even TOTUS greatly resent this attack of the apes, even as they try to laugh to mask their deep inner hurt. The apes intend to destroy them by diverting General Holder from his crusade to eliminate the horrors of voter ID laws. Those unconstitutional laws endanger the sacred voting rights not only of undocumented citizens but even of our dear departed ancestors many of whom died to defend that very right. If this distraction succeeds it may limit President Obama’s victory this year to fewer than all fifty-seven states. As House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said,

“They’re going after Eric Holder because he is supporting measures to overturn these voter suppression initiatives in the states,” Pelosi told reporters today. “This is no accident. It is no coincidence.

“It is a plan on the part of the Republicans,” added Pelosi, who accused the House Republican majority of “a shameful display of abuse of power.”

In hopes of thwarting the Republican attempt to derail General Holder’s valiant efforts, President Obama asserted a claim of executive privilege. Contrary to Republican claims that his privilege assertion is a Nixonian cover up, it is a principled effort to avoid the disclosure of innocent communications among a few lowly and under-paid civil servants. Loyal and hard working, they need to be protected from the racist rampages of the lunatic right wing media. NOTE: The video has been “removed by user.” I wonder what happened.

UPDATE: It is now available here, at Breitbart TV.

There was no way for the apes to win the election fairly so they resorted to damnable trickery! It would be better if we did not even have an election, but the musty and archaic Constitution, hung about our necks like a putrid dead albatross, may still require it. President Obama would never consider abridging it in any way even though the intransigence of the apes has sorely tempted him.

Here is what we, as patriotic citizens intensely loyal to our King and Country (in that order), can do to prevent this grave injustice from proceeding even further.

Sign (as many times as possible) a bipartisan petition soon to be available here demanding that House Speaker Boehner

prevent any House vote on contempt,

issue an apology to General Holder for the crudely racist partisan perversions of his apes,

resign as House Speaker and

order all apes in the House to vote for Minority Leader Pelosi as his replacement. To do otherwise would discriminate invidiously against a highly regarded and immensely competent ~~senile~~ senior citizen.

Assemble peacefully en masse in all House office buildings to demand that Speaker Boehner grant our humble and just petition.

Enlist the assistance of the Reverend Messrs Sharpton and Jackson as well as the Black Panthers and all other supporters of Truth, Justice and The American Way to apply their uniquely gentle and well reasoned pressures to all House apes to reject their racist contempt ploy.

Bombard the oppressors with Skittles! Deny them the bananas they crave so that they can turn our country back into a banana republic such as prevailed before the coming of our Savior, President Obama.

If, despite these efforts, a contempt resolution manages to pass any crude citation devised by the House apes will next have to be presented to the Federal District Court for the District of Columbia for enforcement.

Flood that court with thousands of complaints of racist Republican malfeasance and block all entrances so that the apes will not be able to deliver their contemptible citation.

These moves should be effective. If not, the gross unfairness which resulted in our lack of success will capture the attention of all credible media for weeks if not for months, probably even through November. They will make everyone aware that We The People spoke and that we demand to know why and how our patriotic voices of sanity were outrageously ignored by a bunch of apes! With support such as that, we will not and cannot be defeated!

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NOTE: Due to advice provided by my attorney/lawn care specialist, I hereby state as he wisely requested that the above is satire and is not intended as a call for action by anyone who reads it or may find someone to read and/or translate it for him. Debido a la asistencia proporcionada por mi especialista en el cuidado de abogado / césped, Por la presente declaro que sabiamente pidió que lo anterior es la sátira y no pretende ser una llamada para la acción de cualquiera que lo lea o puede encontrar a alguien para leer y / o traducirlo para lo; Λόγω των συμβουλών που παρέχονται από τον δικηγόρο / γκαζόν ειδικός φροντίδας μου, Με την παρούσα δηλώνω όπως σοφά ζήτησε από το παραπάνω είναι σάτιρα και δεν προορίζεται ως μια έκκληση για δράση από όποιον το διαβάσει ή να βρείτε κάποιον να διαβάσει ή / και για να εκφραστούν οι αυτόν; 由于我的律师/草坪护理专家提供的意见，我特此声明，因为他聪明，上述要求是讽刺和不拟作为一个人谁读或采取行动的呼吁，可能会找人读和/或转化为他; 내 변호사 / 잔디 관리 전문가가 제공하는 조언으로 인해, 그는 현명하게 상기가 풍자하고 위해 읽기 및 / 또는 번역하는 사람을 찾을 수 있습니다 그것을 읽고 또는 누구에 의해 행동에 대한 호출로 의도되지 않았음을 이에 상태 요청 그를

(This article was also posted at Dan Miller’s Blog.)

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: apes, Holder, Maher, Pelosi, racism, Republicans, satire, voter ID
Categories: Humor, Politics | Comments (2) | Home

2 Responses to “Apes Have Been Rude, Crude and Unfair to Attorney General Holder”

larry | June 24th, 2012 at 7:34 am

Monkey Man Dan
Not much I can add to your “well stated” opinions/writing.

Keep up the good work.

Larry

Dan Miller | June 24th, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Thanks, Larry. I’ll keep pumping them out as best I can; maybe someone will be kind enough to throw me a banana.

The Supreme Court decisions on ObamaCare and Arizona’s attempt to enforce Federal immigration laws that the Feds refused to enforce are expected either Monday or Thursday. In preparation, I’ve been doing some preliminary work for an article I hope to post as soon as possible after the decisions are released.