Opinion Forum

Al Qaeda Endorses President Obama; Tonight’s Debate to be Affected

October 16th, 2012

Boosting President Obama’s reelection chances Sheik Mohamed ali-Baba, principal spokesman for al Qaeda, demanded that President Obama be reelected.

Sheik Mohamed ali-Baba, a well known Islamic scholar, humanitarian, redistributionist and principal spokesman for al Qaeda, today cited the reelection of President Obama as necessary for the survival of the United States under Islam. According to the Sheik, he is the only candidate who understands the beautiful truths of Islam and hence of al Qaeda. The Sheik based his assessment, in part, on President Obama’s prompt recognition that the September 11, 2012 unpleasantness at the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya was due solely to an obscenely Islamophobic video and not to any failure of the lamented death of Osama bin-Laden, blessed be his Holy Name throughout eternity, to accelerate the strengthening of al Qaeda. Another leader of al Qaeda, Ayman al-Zawahri, in a statement echoed by Sheik Mohamed ali-Baba, has encouraged “Muslims to wage holy war against the United States and Israel in response to a film that insulted Islam’s Prophet Muhammad.”

The Sheik also declared a fatwa on Secretary of State Clinton and Republican presidential candidate Romney because they disputed President Obama’s Islamic truths. However, in accordance with Islamic tradition, the Sheik indicated that the fatwa might be lifted if they memorize the entire Quran and convert to the One True Religion. He suggested that they consult with The Reverend Mr. Wright, President Obama’s advisor and former pastor, should they need assistance in reconciling their religions with Islam. There is much that they could learn from him.

Mr. Wright says Mr. Obama possessed an “Islamic background” and despite his conversion to Christianity has never abandoned his Muslim roots. In short, Mr. Wright appears to be confirming what I have argued for years: Mr. Obama is a cultural Muslim whose Christianity is deeply tied to black liberation theology – the belief that America and the West have an evil, imperialist civilization bent on oppressing the Third World.

The Sheik stated that, in return for his endorsement, he had persuaded President ~~Osama~~ Obama that, no matter how politically expedient it might seem to attack innocent Muslims and claim successful retribution for the September 11th incident, doing so would ill become the World’s greatest leader. They also agreed that merely to announce plans to do so in the interest of removing such issues from the realm of permissible political discussion would be consistent with Islamic principles and worthy of praise. An attack with no impact on al Qaeda would be equally acceptable, provided it helped President Obama to get reelected.

Others who have also seen the wisdom of this ploy should not have talked about it. Pete Hoekstra, former chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, was interviewed in response to the

report that the White House has put special operations strike forces on standby and moved drones into the skies above Africa — waiting for the word to strike anywhere from Libya to Mali — once investigators find the al-Qaida-linked group responsible for the Sept. 11 attack on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi.

“This presidency, this administration has been very, very reluctant to go after terrorism through the intelligence community, you know, doing no enhanced interrogation and really pulling back boots on the ground — the kind of intelligence that you need to be able to identify the people that were responsible for the attack on Benghazi,” explained Hoekstra, who is also an advisor to the Newsmax affiliate LIGNET.com.

Lack of intelligence in combating Islamic Jihad has been the hallmark of President Obama’s wise reign and is consistent with Islamic principles.

“I’m not sure that we’ve got the kind of intelligence that will enable us to attack with any kind of precision the people that were responsible for the Benghazi attack,” he said. “I’m more worried about the kind of flippant response coming from an administration that we saw back in the 1990s after our embassies were bombed in Africa.”

During those earlier attacks the Clinton administration retaliated by firing 60 cruise missiles into Afghanistan under a belief that Osama bin Laden might have been hiding there, according to Hoekstra, who chaired the Intelligence Committee from 2004 to 2006.

“Bin Laden had been long gone and all we did was kill a bunch of sheep after we spent $60 million,” said Hoekstra. “These need to be precise, targeted attacks based on very, very actionable intelligence and I’m not sure we’ve got that in Northern Africa at this time.”

Killing sheep is permissible under Islam and is viewed as a blessed deed if done as part of a political disinformation campaign. However, to speculate about the plans of a great leader to do so is forbidden. Accordingly, Sheik Mohamed Ali Baba placed former Congressman Hoekstra under a fatwa similar to his fatwas against Governor Romney and Secretary Clinton, while suggesting that he should also consult with The Reverend Mr. Wright.

Big Bird promptly seconded the Sheik’s endorsement and applauded the Million Muppet march on Washington scheduled to take place on November 3rd.

[A]nyone who would deprive little children of my programming is fit neither to be My President nor even to defile the Earth by walking upon her sensitive, overheated surfaces. By his cavalier disagreements with President Obama on the cause of the peaceful Benghazi demonstrations — motivated solely by base political considerations — Governor Romney once again demonstrated his incredible lack of judgment and unfitness for office.

Meanwhile, in support of Sheik Mohamed ali-Baba, an Egyptian researcher, Muhammad Galaa Idris, demonstrated conclusively that the Pope is Jewish.

Muhammad Galaa Idris: All his statements are in support of the Jews. He recognized what the Nazis did to the Jews, the Jewish Holocaust. All his statements are hostile to the Arabs and the Muslims. He slandered Islam, the Koran, the Muslims, and the Arabs.

Since this completely undermines everything ever said by the Pope, all of his anti-abortion rhetoric and nonsense about freedom of religion are worthless. This negates any case the Republican body snatchers might once have thought they had in their quests to take over control of women’s bodies. Such control is properly vested only in Islamic spokesmen. That is precisely what Vice President Biden had meant to say during his debate with Congressman Ryan. Unfortunately, due to the latter’s countless rude interruptions and the obvious hostility of the moderator, he did not have enough time.

It is not anticipated that any mention will be made of President Obama’s grand plan to take revenge for the attack in Libya other than by President Obama, who will demand that the matter not be discussed further because anything more than his statement would damage national security. Also, Governor Romney is not expected to mention female reproductive rights during the debate because of Muhammad Galaa Idris’ debunking of his positions on the matter. This will leave the way open for President Obama to discuss the Republican War on Women without interruption or rebuttal.

(This article was also posted at Dan Miller’s Blog.)

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: al-Qaeda, Big Bird, intelligence, Muslim, Obama, response, satire, terrorism
Categories: Politics | Comments (1) | Home

One Response to “Al Qaeda Endorses President Obama; Tonight’s Debate to be Affected”

Cyndi | October 29th, 2012 at 1:31 am

I like your sense of humor in the news….I at times can’t stand the dishonesty of dome of the press…it has become to partisan…the media should regulate itself to a higher standard of ethics …truth…information…not political propoganda…Obama is seeking to stabalize the situation..find integrity in peace…kindness..helping children and the elderly…these people he cares about…not just political rhetoric…..have a good night…peace be upon you..