Opinion Forum

President Obama’s Negotiations Avoided Storm Damage

October 28th, 2012

The World’s smartest and firmest negotiator, President Obama has already secured agreements to spare critical metropolitan areas from significant damage due to Hurricane Sandy.

President Obama, having previously demonstrated his superb negotiating skills in causing The Seas to halt their rise as soon as he took office, once again negotiated with them and was anxious to give them whatever they may might demand in exchange for assistance in his reelection campaign.

There had been some concern that Hurricane Sandy might adversely impact President Obama’s prospects for reelection. Indeed,

David Axelrod, a top advisor to President Obama’s reelection campaign, said Sunday that he is concerned that Hurricane Sandy could reduce turnout and potentially hurt Obama’s campaign.

“Obviously, we want unfettered access to the polls, because we believe that the more people come out, the better we’re going to do,” Axelrod said. “And so, to the extent that it makes it harder, that’s a source of concern.”

The storm could have a wide-ranging effect on swing states from North Carolina and Virginia to even New Hampshire or Ohio.

There had been other very bad news as well. Only today, I received this sad e-mail from the Chief Operating Officer of President Obama’s reelection campaign.

We’re being seriously outraised, and there’s not much time left.

As of last week, Mitt Romney and the Republicans had $45 million more to spend than our side.

That puts us at an alarming disadvantage in a close race with just 9 days to go. Please help close the gap today.

We have more than 4 million people who own a piece of this campaign, and the other side wants to straight-up buy this election from under our feet with a few big checks, and flood the airwaves with negative ads that distort the President’s record and attack his character outright.

I know it can be aggravating. Believe me. But we have to stay focused.

Look, we knew this onslaught of spending was coming, and that’s why we’re here day after day asking you to help drive us forward. Now it’s time for you to step up and join the team.

We need to fight this now, without delay — and, for that to happen, I need you to do your part, or we risk losing everything we’ve built and invested in:

https://donate.barackobama.com/Close-the-Gap

Don’t let up.

Ann Marie

Ann Marie Habershaw
Chief Operating Officer
Obama for America

P.S. — Also, tomorrow is your absolute last chance to enter for a free trip to Chicago to meet the President, and be there front row for his speech on Election Night. What you do now will decide just how that night goes.

The news in her letter brought great tears to my eyes and lumps to my throat. However, instead of hurting our President’s reelection prospects, The Seas have instead been made to ensure his reelection and hence to make any further financial contributions to his campaign unnecessary.

Always a brilliant negotiator, President Obama — as his forceful opening gambit — initially agreed only to sacrifice Republican districts in Virginia if Hurricane Sandy bypassed heavily Democrat districts in Maryland, New York, Delaware and Connecticut. In a show of good faith and to speed the negotiations along, The Seas promptly responded by agreeing to move the Gulf Stream far to the East, eliminating all of the warm water that would otherwise have remained in Hurricane Sandy’s path to produce strengthening. The Seas made this generous concession contingent only upon grant of its demands for the Republican districts of North Carolina and West Virginia as well as of Virginia. Bravely, President Obama immediately countered with an offer to throw in all of Virginia, West Virginia and North Carolina.

To ensure his constant availability to pursue any further negotiations that may be needed with The Seas, President Obama will return from Florida (an ideal coastal location from which he has been in constant communications with The Seas) to the Situation Room at the White House late Monday and stay there for as long as may be necessary. Although his focus remains on the possibility of further equally successful negotiations with The Seas, he is also supervising preparations for any disaster relief measures that may be needed in affected Democrat districts. Even though his negotiations with The Seas have gone exceedingly well, such assistance for the many helpless people who live in those districts may be necessary; without it they might even be disenfranchised.

The only thing that President Obama will not do in response to Hurricane Sandy is to appear to behave politically.

In an extraordinarily tight race, Hurricane Sandy has forced Obama and Republican Mitt Romney to toss out carefully mapped-out itineraries as the candidates work to maximize voter turnout while avoiding any suggestion they were putting politics ahead of public safety. Romney canceled plans to campaign in Virginia on Sunday, opting instead to join running mate Paul Ryan in Ohio.

Fortunately, there is no need for such caution on President Obama’s part; all thinking voters already know he would never put political gain ahead of public safety or the lives of loyal Americans — domestically, abroad or even in far away Libya.

As expected, there have been increasingly partisan Republican claims that before, during and after the creation of not optimal bumps on the road in Benghazi he persisted in his fundraising and other campaign efforts rather than do “the right thing,” whatever that may have been. Even President Obama was not then sufficiently prescient to know that his negotiations with The Seas would later ensure his reelection. However, as can easily be understood by all patriotic, post-partisan Americans, he pursued his campaign efforts simply because he knows very well that he is the only one capable of continuing to lead the course of our great nation with unsurpassed wisdom. No one else, for example, could possibly conduct monumentally successful negotiations with The Seas or would even have the presence of mind to consider the possibility.

President Obama’s continued fund raising and campaign efforts during the minor Benghazi incident, while necessary, were painfully unpleasant to one of his monumental stature. He would much prefer to have engaged in direct personal negotiations with the video-crazed but misunderstood mobs that attacked the U.S. mission there. Unfortunately, the unpleasant efforts he had to make on our behalf instead — leaving even him open to specious partisan political attacks — seemed necessary to win another four years in office. The personal sacrifices that President Obama is ready, willing, able and even anxious to make on behalf of our now grandly exceptional nation are truly and historically mind-boggling.

(This article was also posted at Dan Miller’s Blog.)

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: donations, election, hurricane, negotiate, Obama, satire, seas, storm
Categories: Politics | Comments (1) | Home

One Response to “President Obama’s Negotiations Avoided Storm Damage”

Tom Carter | October 28th, 2012 at 10:58 pm

I’m sure that if the President apologizes to The Seas for the U.S. being such a terrible country, maybe they’ll spare the heavily Democratic areas they’re headed toward.

If that doesn’t happen, I’m sure he’ll tell the truth, as a last resort — Sandy is actually Bush’s fault. She’s still unhappy about the lack of welcome given to her older sister, Katrina, a few years ago.