Opinion Forum

Obstructionists Must Yield So President Obama Doesn’t Eat First Dog Bo

December 11th, 2012

Unless obstructionists agree to raise taxes on the filthy rich and give President Obama authority to increase the debt ceiling unilaterally, He and his family will have to eat First Dog Bo.

boehner_crying

Not even House Speaker Boehner’s tears had persuaded enough Obstructionists to free the middle class. President Obama continued to insist that slightly higher taxes on the filthy rich were mathematically necessary, that without them his hands would be tied even to the point that he might be unable to send more fighter jets to the democratically elected freedom loving Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt and that all Obstructionist opposition is “just extremist politics.”

Recognizing that Obstructionist mendacity on this crucial issue is the most serious threat ever to face his historic administration, his people and indeed his entire nation, President Obama resolved to simplify matters so that even the little children can understand the situation and instruct their parents. He then announced his new plan for national reconciliation after testing it on youthful focus groups in Chicago, Washington and Los Angeles. Despite only muted approval from PETA and some vegetarian children, all others enthusiastically cheered his selfless plan to sacrifice Bo to save the country from ruin. Despite right wing control of the media, the plan seems to be working well as shown by yesterday’s Rasmussen tracking polls.

As time runs out, Obstructionists will have to bow to the reality that they no longer hold the reins of Government, that they can no longer hold only the impotent middle class hostage and that they must yield — if not to demands from adults then to tearful pleas from little children. That is the key feature of President Obama’s new negotiating strategy and it is clearly favored to work.

Because of President Obama’s brave new negotiating tactic, the negligibly higher taxes he has asked fat cats to pay will no longer allow only middle class families to survive and only middle class children to enjoy their few meager Holiday treats. That had been President Obama’s goal all along. However, those small tax increases now mean that Bo will live because the First Family will also have enough to eat during their modest ~~four million dollar~~ vacation in Hawaii next month as they continue to suffer along with the rest of the impoverished middle class. This raises the stakes to a new and far higher level.

Teams of White House chefs are already deciding which Indonesian recipes and spices to use. Widely praised even as a small boy for his multicultural love of puppies, President Obama was recently seen ~~salivating~~ crying when told of the ~~delectable~~ disgusting choices available to him. The Obstructionists had better get with the program, right now. If the First Family has to eat Bo it will be the fault of the Obstructionists alone.

As one phase of President Obama’s efforts to enlist public support for his last ditch effort to keep the nation from falling over the dreaded fiscal cliff, the White House released a video of little Bo inspecting what may well be the very last Christmas decorations he will ever see. Watching it should bring tears to the eyes of most, perhaps even some Obstructionists.

The White House also released this picture of Bo. Head held bravely high but tail almost dragging in the bitterly cold snow, he seems resigned to his fate while hoping against hope that all little children of the World will unite in time to save him by begging their parents to force the cruel Obstructionists to see the truth and repent of their selfish ways. Parents must also ask themselves, “what would our children think of us if we served the family pooch for dinner?” Please, help to spare brave little Bo!

Even if you won’t do it for Bo, please do it for our charming, empathetic and compassionate First Lady. Could any patriotic American do less? Could any do more?

Obama Antoinette

Just say Yes to saving Bo! By joining together we saved Big Bird, the most important victory in the history of the nation. Now we must all join hands again to save Bo, the rest of the First Family and even ourselves; who knows whom or what the First Family might eat next if we fail? It’s the least we can do for our nation, for President and Lady Obama and for all puppies everywhere. Make the Obstructionists agree to respect and pay for defeat in their cruel War on puppies — Right Now, before it’s too late.

(This article was also posted at Dan Miller’s Blog.)

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: Bo, first dog, Obama, rich, satire, taxes, vacation, wealthy
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