Opinion Forum

President Obama Welcomes His New Muslim Brotherhood Bodyguards

February 18th, 2013

Islam is the only true Religion of Peace and seeks merely to eliminate the savagery of Christianity, Judaism and other false religions. Members of the Muslim Brotherhood are highly respected for their intensely peaceful nature and also for dealing fairly but firmly with all enemies of truth and justice.

In announcing his courageously presidential initiative, President Obama stated that he is also reaching out for a doctor with AIDS to serve as his personal physician as well as released felons to serve as Czars and members of his cabinet. At press conference held at the nineteenth hole at the Floridian Golf and Yacht Club in Palm City, Florida, he stated

America has for far too long discriminated invidiously against minority group members. By hiring Muslim Brotherhood bodyguards, reaching out for an AIDS infected personal physician and searching diligently for other oppressed minorities to serve me as Czars and Cabinet secretaries, I am leading from the front — as a President must and as I always do — in eliminating our nation’s irrational and disgraceful Islamophobia, AIDSophobia and Felonophobia.

Let me just add this: with my new Muslim Brotherhood bodyguards — certified as totally reliable by my good friend and partner for peace, President Morsi of Egypt, may peace be upon him — I feel safer than ever before. Having them to serve me makes me truly proud of my historic successes in transforming the once hateful United States into the wonderfully multicultural and internationally beloved nation she is becoming.

Following a typically hard-hitting press conference, President Obama skillfully mounted his presidential golf cart along with guards in traditional Arab costume armed with scimitars and machine guns. Their toothy grins were greeted with delighted applause from the legitimate press as a Fox News correspondent who had mistakenly been allowed to wander in scurried for cover behind a large tree. Unluckily for him, he noticed neither the noose dangling inconspicuously from the tree nor the trip wire.

As the presidential entourage sped out of view, the Muslim Brotherhood Chorus could be heard singing lustily, but with the tranquility of true peace in their hearts, from the direction in which the presidential cart was headed. The festivities were off-limits even to the legitimate press, but here is a video of one of their practice sessions.

President Obama’s new guards will, of course, accompany him to the terrorist enclave occasionally referred to as Israel when he meets with illegitimate Zionist “Prime Minister” Netanyahu next month. It anticipated that the Muslim Brotherhood Chorus, assisted as appropriate by President Obama’s new bodyguards, will put on a command performance at the Knesset while President Obama ventures into Ramallah. There he will discuss matters of regional importance — eliminating illegal Zionist settlements in Palestinian lands and Zionist war crimes using the brutal Iron Dome to commit genocide against innocent women, children and other civilians for example — with Palestinian heroes and other beloved national leaders. Unlike in “Israel,” where President Obama is rightfully fearful of assassination by the numerous Zionist fanatics who infest Palestinian lands, he knows that he will be as safe as a small child with his mother in Ramallah.

President Obama’s unique initiatives will bring true peace to the entire Middle East if only he, his new Secretary of Defense Kerry and cabinet appointees Hagel and Brennan can persuade the unlawful Zionist occupiers of Palestinian lands to cease their ruthlessly barbaric wicked ways and go back to wherever they came from. If they can’t, then it will be up to the beloved and still breathtakingly attractive Helen Thomas to show the way.