Opinion Forum

The Rights of Ugly People Must Be Protected

October 30th, 2011

By Dan Miller According to this article, apparently written by a high school student in New York, legislation has been passed in some districts of California and in the District of Columbia providing affirmative action protections to ugly people. The author opines, People do not have a say in whether they are going to be [...]

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: affirmative action, discrimination, legislation, rights, SOB, ugly people
Categories: Humor, Law, Life | Comments (5) | Home

Sticks Hicks Nix . . . ?

October 18th, 2011

By Dan Miller One of the country’s greatest headlines ever appeared in Variety back in 1935, when the good folks of New Rochelle (then out in the boonies but only forty-five minutes from Broadway) did not much care for a new motion picture. The headline was, “Sticks Nix Hick Pix.” On October 14th, “Massachusetts Senate [...]

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: campaign, Elizabeth Warren, headline, hicks, satire, Senate, Variety
Categories: Humor, News, Politics | Comments (5) | Home

Culex Mosquitoes Declared an Endangered Species

October 9th, 2011

By Dan Miller In a long anticipated announcement, the Federal Insect Board (FIB) today proclaimed that the Culex Mosquito is an endangered species. Since the Culex are small and difficult for lay-persons to distinguish from other types of mosquito, urgent steps are being taken to prevent the killing of all mosquitoes. In a related development, [...]

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: children, election, mosquitoes, Obama, satire, Shakira, vegetables
Categories: Humor, Politics | Comments (7) | Home

Muslim Swimsuits and Christian Snakes

August 31st, 2011

By Tom Carter I realize that everyone has the right to believe in their own particular superstition religion and, at least in America, the right to engage in whatever goofy behavior their religion requires, as long as they don’t impinge on the rights of others. Once in a while, though, some ridiculous religious practice pops [...]

Articles written by Tom Carter
Tags: Christian, modesty, Muslim, religion, rights, snakes, swimsuits, women
Categories: Humor, Life | Comments (10) | Home

Obama Will Soon Offer Plans to Create Jobs, and Conservatives Must Help

August 20th, 2011

By Dan Miller These novel ideas are all workable and truly bipartisan; they should appeal to libruls and conservatives alike. The country needs productive jobs, not counter-productive jobs. During his bus tour of the hinterlands aboard a new $1.1 million bus made in Canada (“the perfect coach for entertainers, sports stars, NASCAR drivers, executive travel, [...]

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: bus, business, green, jobs, Obama, overseas, plan, satire, unions, vacation
Categories: Economics, Humor, Politics | Comments (5) | Home

Binding Arbitration of Debt Crisis by Unicorns Proposed

July 16th, 2011

By Dan Miller BREAKING NEWS — further details when available. The bipartisan, post-racial Global Federation of Unicorns (GFUs) agreed today to arbitrate the debt limit crisis for us. It asks only that the results be final and binding on all parties. That seems reasonable because it will require a tremendous amount of work and unicorns [...]

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: debt limit, Jackson Lee, Krugman, post-racial, race, satire, unicorns
Categories: Humor, News, Politics | Comments (1) | Home

Advance Text of President Obama’s Best Speech Ever

July 13th, 2011

By Dan Miller This is an advance text of the speech President Obama is scheduled to deliver to the nation following the partisan rejection of his final compromise to end the debt standoff and to ensure enduring national prosperity. Provided by a highly placed source at the White House who for obvious reasons insists on [...]

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: campaign, debt limit, distortion, economy, satire, speech, unemployment
Categories: Economics, Humor, Politics | Comments (4) | Home

Weiners and Tweeters Can End Anthropomorphic Climate Change by 2112

June 23rd, 2011

By Dan Miller Sí se puede! Forget about the Sun. It vanishes at night when we need it most, is about ninety-three million miles away and neither what it does nor doesn’t do significantly affects whether Mother Earth has a chill or a fever; the Sun doesn’t care whether She perspires or shivers. Even if [...]

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: anthropomorphic, change, children, climate, Gore, satire, warming
Categories: Humor, Politics, Science | Comments (1) | Home

Haircuts and Politicians

June 23rd, 2011

By Tom Carter As the craziness of another presidential election year approaches, it’s certain that things will get progressively nuttier. We’re going to have a weakened and wounded incumbent president facing one of about a dozen Republican contenders, ranging from serious looking but vacuous guys with good hair through really serious guys with bad hair [...]

Articles written by Tom Carter
Tags: 2012, candidates, Democrats, diapers, election, politicians, Republicans
Categories: Humor, Politics | Comments (0) | Home

We Need More Human Rights

June 8th, 2011

By Dan Miller And the United Nations is there to provide them. According to a United Nations report released late last week (Friday, when nothing else newsworthy was happening), A United Nations report released Friday declares Internet access a human right. Presented to the General Assembly, the report by UN Special Rapporteur Frank La Rue [...]

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: freedom, human rights, Human Rights Council, internet, satire, UN
Categories: Humor, News, Politics | Comments (4) | Home

George Carlin’s Modern Man

May 29th, 2011

By Tom Carter The great George Carlin died three years ago. Love him or hate him, he was a genius at compressing complex ideas into hilarious and often prickly comedy routines. This video is Carlin at his best (and, possibly, cleanest).

Articles written by Tom Carter
Tags: George Carlin, modern man
Categories: Humor, Life | Comments (0) | Home

Hamas Is a Totally Credible Partner for Peace

May 21st, 2011

By Dan Miller Everybody (except Israel) wants peace, freedom and democracy for all. Herr Hitler wrote Mein Kamph and many took it lightly; we were privileged to experience the pleasures of World War II. The Koran has some really cool, funny stuff as well; many take it lightly so that we may eventually experience similar [...]

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: Fatah, Hamas, Israel, Jews, Muslims, satire, terrorism
Categories: Humor, News, Politics | Comments (5) | Home

Are You Ready for the Rapture?

May 19th, 2011

By Tom Carter A small minority of Christians actually believes Jesus is coming back on May 21, 2011 — Saturday! They base this on the rambling Revelation of a kook old man writing in isolation on a Greek island a couple of thousand years ago, plus some other stuff in the Bible. It hasn’t been [...]

Articles written by Tom Carter
Tags: Antichrist, apocalypse, Camping, extremism, predictions, rapture, religion
Categories: Humor, Life, News | Comments (6) | Home

Advance Text of President Obama’s Address

May 5th, 2011

By Dan Miller Various reliable White House sources, under threat of suicide should they make it public in advance of delivery, have provided the following text of the address President Obama will soon deliver at Ground Zero. Due to the obvious sensitivities, we have placed the president’s remarks after the jump. If you believe you [...]

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: address, Ground Zero, Islam, Muslims, Obama, Pakistan, satire, terrorism
Categories: Humor, News, Politics | Comments (0) | Home

Statistical Confusion and Sensual Economics

May 5th, 2011

By Tom Carter Seems the only thing people can agree on about the nation’s economic health is that the patient isn’t feeling well. Beyond that, diagnoses and prognoses and treatment regimens are all different, depending on the ideologies of the political physicians in attendance as well as the rubes in the hallway. The most logical [...]

Articles written by Tom Carter
Tags: confusion, economy, ideology, partisanship, spending, statistics, taxes
Categories: Economics, Humor, Politics | Comments (3) | Home

Osama bin Laden Conspiracy Theories

May 4th, 2011

By Dan Miller There has to be something to the bin Laden conspiracy theories! Having dined on a rich and varied feast of conspiracy theories since long before May Day, the Obama Administration has sensed the need to provide frequent updates to the bin Laden narrative for one of the following reasons: (a) to rebut [...]

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: 9/11, bin Laden, Bush, conspiracy, satire, Sheehan, theories, unicorn
Categories: Humor, News, Politics | Comments (1) | Home

Jeremiah the Bullfrog for President

April 26th, 2011

By Dan Miller In the grand march for human rights at the United Nations, the edicts of which trump our silly old Constitution, the regrettably backwards United States must cease her foot dragging. The Human Rights Council leads the way, although with little leadership from the socially regressive United States. The march to recognize the [...]

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: discrimination, EPA, global warming, Muslims, natural born, PC, satire, UN
Categories: Humor, Law, Politics | Comments (4) | Home

Francisco Silva: A Real Clown for President

April 21st, 2011

By Dan Miller If we’re gonna have a clown, we deserve a real one. Looking at the present situation in the United States — here is an example from California — my sense is reinforced that before we can realistically expect things to get better we have to make them stop getting worse — something [...]

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: Brazil, foreign policy, Grumpy the Clown, President, satire, Tiririca, trade
Categories: Humor, Politics | Comments (0) | Home

Enter the Germophobic Birther Candidate

April 16th, 2011

By Tom Carter Looks like Donald Trump’s birther-fueled possible candidacy for president has diverted the media from their obsession with Charlie Sheen. It must be a real career-builder these days for a reporter to get assigned to the fruitcake beat…. Richard Cohen, Washington Post columnist, has weighed in on the nascent Trump candidacy, adding an [...]

Articles written by Tom Carter
Tags: birther, candidate, germophobe, President, satire, Trump
Categories: Humor, News, Politics | Comments (1) | Home

Have a Happy “Spring Sphere” Roll!

April 12th, 2011

By Dan Miller At a Seattle public school, Easter Eggs have apparently been banished and replaced with Spring Spheres. Although this will help students to enjoy the very educational Music of the Spheres, I wonder how schools can get away with disguising harmful high cholesterol eggs as something else. Sure, these weren’t real eggs — [...]

Articles written by Dan Miller
Tags: Christmas, Easter, egg, hunt, satire, Seattle, spring sphere
Categories: Education, Humor, News, Politics | Comments (1) | Home