The Rights of Ugly People Must Be Protected

October 30th, 2011

By Dan Miller

Dan MillerAccording to this article, apparently written by a high school student in New York, legislation has been passed in some districts of California and in the District of Columbia providing affirmative action protections to ugly people. The author opines,

People do not have a say in whether they are going to be an attractive person or not. This was predetermined for them when they were conceived based on the genes of both of their parents. It is hardly fair that someone be discriminated against for something that they have no say in. Affirmative action protects people based on their race, gender, and sexual orientation; all of which are predetermined. It seems only fitting that ugliness also be protected under the umbrella of affirmative action.

There may be problems in defining “ugly” and  lots of ugly folks might not like to be so identified officially. “Onward and Upward!” I say. The obvious definitional problems should not block highly meritorious legislation.

As a small beginning, I propose that affirmative action protections be provided to skinny, bald guys over seventy, known by the acronym SOBs, for Skinny Old Baldies. We are easy to identify and are greatly discriminated against. This must be stopped! The future of the country depends on it.

(This article was first published at The PJ Tatler.)

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5 Responses to “The Rights of Ugly People Must Be Protected”

  1. larry |

    Hopefully any law defining ugly will be retroactive. I figure I’m entitled to some compensation for being unhandsome for the last 70 odd years.
    Maybe we can form an organization for ugly people.

    NAAUP national association of ugly people

  2. d |

    How about CUOL? Cranky ,ugly,old,ladies? We deserve respect and tolerance,along with not being invisible. I think that’s the hardest thing about getting old,when you were once a pretty woman,to become invisible to all who pass,is difficult. Kind of freeing,you can wear anything and look awful,and you are still,invisible,but still disturbing. At least,now I don’t have to dress up for Halloween,just go to the door as I usually look,and they think I have an old lady’s mask on. Maybe,not all bad.

  3. Tom Carter |

    Being a beautiful person myself, I don’t understand what all the complaining is about. Next thing, you guys are going to want reparations for all the dough you could have made if you’d been cuter.

  4. Dan Miller |


    You beautiful people have all the advantages and that unfair and otherwise sorry situation must cease. When I am elected King (or President, much the same these days) my first appointee will be the Handicapper General, to head the new Department of Handicapping. Then, the seas will cease their rise, the economy will rebound, jealously will be no longer and peace will have more than just a chance. It will be a brave new world for all, not just for the unjustly favored few.

  5. d |

    Then the beautiful will be in the minority,and get benefits,because there are so many ugly people. Tom, you might be in the old,bald, guy group.8)

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