Obama Will Soon Offer Plans to Create Jobs, and Conservatives Must Help

August 20th, 2011

By Dan Miller

These novel ideas are all workable and truly bipartisan; they should appeal to libruls and conservatives alike.

HelpThe country needs productive jobs, not counter-productive jobs.

During his bus tour of the hinterlands aboard a new $1.1 million bus made in Canada (“the perfect coach for entertainers, sports stars, NASCAR drivers, executive travel, or anyone accustomed to the very best”), President Obama’s much lamented bad luck ran out. Only good luck could have brought him such a bus. Feeling very lucky, he promised that come September, when the CongressCritters return from their well deserved vacations listening attentively to constituents, he will offer some really great new plans to save/create more countershovel ready jobs in the United States soon and to reduce the deficit someday.

As befits a top entertainer, President Obama will present his plans during a Big Show (hereinafter “BS”). Before presenting his BS, President Obama and family will travel to impoverished Martha’s Vineyard and stay for ten days at “Blue Heron Farm, a luxury retreat on Tisbury Great Pond in Chilmark.” Vacationing with an impressive entourage amongst the unwashed masses will doubtless create or save many jobs there and inspire him with fresh ideas.

President Obama’s BS will be as clear and specific as always and true to his view that we need more government. It is not yet known, at least outside the inner circle, what his specific BS will include. While probably not as specific as some policy wonks would like, there will be sufficient detail for the little people. As President Obama advised his supporters recently,

“I think the key is not to get too bogged down in detail,” the president said last night.

“If somebody asks about taxes, nobody is really interested in hearing what precise marginal tax rate change would you like to see in the tax code,” Obama said. “What they want to know is that our campaign stands for a fair, just approach to the tax code that says everybody has to chip in, and that it’s not right if a hedge fund manager is being taxed at a lower rate than his or her secretary.”

Something old, nothing new; something borrowed, nothing blue? President Obama is consistently consistent even in his inconsistency. It’s the domestic version of smart power, for which his administration is famous. Never mind that they are all fruitcakes, there have been some neat songs about fruitcakes.

Here is a sneak preview. When the BS plans are implemented, the United States will more closely resemble that remote and idyllic island of legend where the residents eked out bare livings by taking in each others’ laundry; nothing was produced. Only this time it will be better: the government will pay subsidies to those who pay for services and to those who provide them, hence making more money available for all to spend on other stuff produced elsewhere — a new laptop, television, or cell phone, for example. China and Japan should be very pleased. More food stamps will probably be included under a modernized Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) to free up money to purchase whatever, beyond food, the folks want thereby encouraging more employment elsewhere; again, China and Japan should be very pleased. Maybe there will be a neatly crafted plan to provide these subsidies mainly in areas where unemployment is highest, to benefit voters in places where the Democratic Party usually wins elections. That might appease the Congressional Black Caucus.

But wait; there’s more. President Obama and his charming First Lady are keen on vacationing in expensive places and, after the hardships of life in the White House, need little touches of luxury. However, the common folk would be uncomfortable in such surroundings as found in sunny Spain or even Martha’s Vineyard. Hence, vacation stamps under a new SVAP — standing for “Supplemental Vacation Assistance Program” — must be introduced to pay for modest vacations in the poorest and most depressed places in the nation. There are plenty of those and their beauties often go unnoticed because few want to go there. This will bring unknown bounty to the unfortunates who live there, perhaps show flash mobs and other rioters that there are better ways to amuse themselves, and possibly even increase consumer confidence by showing the vacationers how much better off they are than those among whom they are vacationing.

Going really green will be part of the plan as well. A new and bright light bulb will shine to illuminate ways to save energy — just show them and they will come, as they did in Seattle:

SEATTLE (AP) — Last year, Seattle Mayor Mike McGinn announced the city had won a coveted $20 million federal grant to invest in weatherization. The unglamorous work of insulating crawl spaces and attics had emerged as a silver bullet in a bleak economy — able to create jobs and shrink carbon footprint — and the announcement came with great fanfare.

McGinn had joined Vice President Joe Biden in the White House to make it. It came on the eve of Earth Day. It had heady goals: creating 2,000 living-wage jobs in Seattle and retrofitting 2,000 homes in poorer neighborhoods.

But more than a year later, Seattle’s numbers are lackluster. As of last week, only three homes had been retrofitted and just 14 new jobs have emerged from the program. Many of the jobs are administrative, and not the entry-level pathways once dreamed of for low-income workers. Some people wonder if the original goals are now achievable.

Only $1,428,571 per job? Cheap! It’s just ObamaMoney and the government can print create as much as is desired; if not, tax the obscenely rich! Don’t want to turn green? Green is beautiful! What would Kermit the Frog say? It’s not easy but that’s what we must do.

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5 Responses to “Obama Will Soon Offer Plans to Create Jobs, and Conservatives Must Help”

  1. Obama Will Soon Offer Plans to Create Jobs, and Conservatives Must Help |

    […] jobs, Obama, overseas, plan, satire, unions, vacation Categories: Economics, Humor, Politics | Comments (0) | […]

  2. Tom Carter |

    My guess is that Obama’s plan for job creation will be just another string of excuses, attacks on other politicians, and meaningless proposals that don’t amount to a hill of beans.

    Obama’s complete lack of leadership ability is amazing. It’s sad to see the President of the United States trying to excuse his failures by whining about everybody who is against him and events that were out of his control. Welcome to the NFL, Rookie!

  3. larry ennis |

    Brother Dan
    It appears that Obama is even worse than I had envisioned him to be.
    As Tom points out “Obama’s complete lack of leadership ability is amazing”. How much has the Obama presidency really cost us as a nation and a people. It will take decades before we can fairly appraise the cost of putting this socialist leaning liberal in office.

  4. Brian |

    While our worthless president is busy complaining about other people and how unfair life is, and in general just whining about “bad luck,” we can consider the prescient words of 4-time Hugo Award winning SciFi writer Robert Heinlein:

    Throughout history, poverty is the normal condition of man. Advances which permit this norm to be exceeded – here and there, now and then – are the work of an extremely small minority, frequently despised, often condemned, and almost always opposed by all right-thinking people. Whenever this tiny minority is kept from creating, or (as sometimes happens) is driven out of a society, the people then slip back into abject poverty. This is known as “bad luck.”

  5. H C |

    My comment about some Blacks are upset that Obama is not doing enough for the poor is ridculous. The reason I voted for Obama was because I felt that he would be the smarter and more understanding person for the job. Because he is fighting a battle of politics, he is trying to keep his footing by trying to use his ability to negociate. I am against the idea of extending unemployment benefits because that money should be used to help people who are suddenly out of work, not to keep them from just waiting for the right job to open. People are made to be weak by handouts that become everyday and comfortable.

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